i
the clouds could’ve been drawn with white crayon.
the noise, thick impasto.
there’s an accident on the highway and people are honking, babies crying, car doors and boots slamming shut. you tear the wrapper off a pack of gum. i study the mud-caked tyre of an adjacent car.
is that a dead bird?
ii
i believe i’m getting smaller.
In a list
A contest entry
- unemotional by zillion.
3156 points, ended December 28, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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it's official;
you're too talented for your own good.
but it's all right.. because I have the opportunity of reading your musing whenever I choose. so I'm content.
congrats on the gold. :]
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I second Lane's comment. Damn good indeed! Congratulations on the Gold! Well deserved
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damn sam! perfect take on the prompt
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Holy Darwin. I reiterate the comments below.
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oh my god; fabulous. just perfect.
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the clouds could’ve been drawn with a white crayon.
love to learn a new word...impasto
I am just a fan here...
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I think this is great! Wonderfully well written.
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This is damn good poetry.
Period.
Love, Lane
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Excellent.
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gorgeous. This is just what I was hoping I'd receive. By the time I got to part two, I was still imagining crayon-drawn clouds. The idea of a dead bird being more interesting, maybe requiring more sympathy even, than the dead/injured people in the car accident is bold. We seem to be so comfortable with car accidents, hearing about them daily, that they no longer hold any real curiousity. Surprisingly enough, that hasn't happened with dead yet.
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Well this is really well done, totally void of emotion with feelings of being totally detached.
Excellent take on the prompt.
Best wishes in the contest.
gaylene
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