pass the knifes
and other sharp
metals that slice through
the new old
traditions of the
south.
mouths moving
that just kissed
sitting in trees
and other i-n-g's.
and such.
the bugs bite,
the children itch,
and I'm the red-
headed bitch
whose parents
think she's perfect
if a little weird.
you're smeared in
spirited colors
on toddlers' faces
in places they can
barely lick off.
you cough and
smile, touching
my leg under the table.
it's an unstable
world we live
in. "can you pass
the-?" and I grab
it before the
words have left
your lips. the old
people quit eating,
whisper
"it's sprinkling".
they snatch
their plates and
leave the cake
unattended.
"we'll get wet"
I state, but I
don't stand and
your hand moves
on up higher.
you don't
want me to
go and I won't,
this one time.
but the cake
is getting soggy
and my
promises are
foggy flakes
of jackshit.
Author notes
about my christmas dinner. despite the angsty tone, it was really very beautiful.
A contest entry
- what the hell, rodney, let's make a pact by acoustical.
750 points, ended December 30, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice is welcome
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love this.
-
loved it! every last syllable ... keep going!!!!
-
Why did I only add you as a favorite now?!
I LOVED the title, and even your AN.
I think your voice has a slight detached-ness. Like, it's just your thoughts and you feel them and you don't care what anybody else thinks. Or maybe a slightly scathing tone.
W/e I can't articulate properly,
I like it.
A lot.
"and other sharp
metals that slice through
the new old
traditions of the
south."
I really liked the 'other' you used and just how...inclusive the entire ditty here felt.
"and other i-n-g's.
and such."
Smartttttttt.
Enough said.
"and I'm the red-
headed bitch
whose parents
think she's perfect
if a little weird."
The whole part with bugs and children itching...LoL, I just loved it. And this...well, I can't say the same thing for myself, but I really enjoyed this.
"it's sprinkling."
How freaking awesome.
jackshit!
You're my idol.
;
Jessica
-
-
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. This year we decided to have christmas in flordia with some family and it was 80 degrees. We had our dinner outside, and it started raining before we'd even eaten the cake. Nevertheless, probably the best Christmas dinner I've ever had.
And I do write with that detached sense. I'm glad you picked up on it.
-
-
i get a creepy feeling with this actually. maybe it's just me...
but nontheless its really quite holiday-esque
-
-
no, it's a creepy scene. Then again, holidays themselves are quite creepy if you ask me.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
