A yellowed rose stands in a dusty vase
Its color sickened, gone its perfume breath -
A shadow's fallen on the withered face,
The yellowed rose.
Sunlight once dewed these rosy folds - a wreath
Of blushing beauty, lush with petal's lace -
A faded glass now bears its thorny sheath -
But though the shadow falls, it can't erase
Its beauty, dying not even in death:
For still it stands, and here these words encase
The yellowed rose.
Author notes
another roundel
wrote this all in a day
A contest entry
- For lovers of Verse Forms: The Roundel by Keith.
700 points, ended December 31, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Poet of The Week...... Enter your best poem! by Daisy Ballerina.
520 points, ended January 6, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I edited your comment below to reflect a higher score. I was unfamiliar with the "roundel", so I scored you based on the "rondel". My mistake. Sorry. I have edited my comments.
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.25 – I think this title is way too bland and dull for such a lovely piece. It also gives way too much away.
Poem Flow: 8.75 – “The yellowed rose” sort of blunts the end of the stanzas making them come to screeching halts. The rest of the poem flows nicely.
Depth: 9.5 – Lovely words full of depth and impact.
Emotional Impact: 9 – I was drawn in by the beautiful imagery and your choice phrases. I’ll remember this one. Nicely done.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – YAY!
Punctuation and Caps: 7 - Your caps, according to the form you’re attempting, are way off. See below. Also, punctuation is missing, and rather than dashes, periods would likely be more effective.
Presentation: 8.5 - Nicely done! Caps shouls be: abaR bab abaR
Personal Appeal: 8.5 – I thought the piece, in general, was really lovely. *smile*
My score: 69.00/80.00
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Oh very pretty! It reminds me of something I wrote a long time ago, though it wasn't this good. The repetition is very pretty for this.
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oh, this so very wonderful, indeed! and certainly should have taken the gold, by the way. Just an excellent roundel! loved it!
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oh its delightful to hear your praise, friend poet. . .
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That's really sad...
Outstanding!!!
Thank you for kindly entering my contest!!!!
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Outstanding!!!
Strong narrative with a rich vocabulary that flows with grace & elogance...
Some great word choices/use that made for a melancholly read that delighted the senses...
Keep up the good word...
Well done!!!
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oooh, thank you much, sir! I am greatly pleased. Indeed, to know it "delighted the senses" makes my pen eager to accomplish that more. . .
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Lovely!
I have to learn more about this style! This is a poignant write. Your word choice is visual & the way you penned this ....well, it just touched my heart in a sad & mysterious way! I'm sure you'll do marv in the Contest! Had to just read it again. This is quite a masterful piece young lady. Thanks for this!
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*bows* thank you, thank you. . . nice to know my writes can make someone FEEL. . .
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I love the roundel and this is absolutly beautiful. You truly do have the gift and the heart of a poet.
Love,
Amera♥
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thanks! this is only the second time I've written a roundel, first time was "Fingertips" - but I think this turned out rather well. . .
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I'm very fond of this. I like well written description, and this poem falls into that category for me. The only line which I find a bit hard to read is: Its beauty, dying not even in death. It's got something to do with the stress pattern. But that's a very minor criticism. Thank you for entering.
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