Pressures mounted on white-hot flames
Tease the man caught in love, tainted bittersweet.
He sees her following him out of the corner of his eye,
Down every winding path and through the feathery leaves of the weeping willow.
He is thrilled by her loving beckon,
Haunted by the telling chills of hate.
The nightmares of war are not quite over.
Every canter through the hills of buttercups
Is another desperate ride to battle,
For none can defeat the mirage of the lady in white.
Author notes
The line inspired me to write a different tale about the lady in white from a book I read "The Ruby Tear." In the book, she is an image that appears to all the men in a certain family soon before they die seemingly random and extremely violent deaths, and one of the protagonists chooses to fight it after he sees her.
A contest entry
- 10 poets/ 10 lines Quickie by Hikari Lady.
400 points, ended December 25, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A nice take on the prompt indeed. I enjoyed reading it very much and liked how you expressed what you felt towards the prompt and still kept to the prompt. If you think you've went far from the prompt then I assure you, you didn't. This was perfect for the effect I wanted and how I wanted to feel in the writes entered.
"He is thrilled by her loving beckon,
Haunted by the telling chills of hate."
I loved this line and how it was sketched, brought a powerful image to my mind.
"Down every winding path and through the feathery leaves of the weeping willow."
Though this line was too long compared to the others and seemed to take the poem out of its range but it captured me with its imagery and I just kept reading it over and over.
"The nightmares of war are not quite over."
Indeed, they don't seem to be over for the story and for the prompt as well, nice expressing.
I also like to point out that you had a strong begining.
Thanks for entering and best of luck.
~Noor
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