Sometimes it is out there as Venus
first star to wish upon
diverting lovers from their backseat tasks
a sparkling diamond set to envy:
accessible and yet remote
the bar set too high to reach
but close enough to have a drink
there are ruminations
like Nefertiti
orchids hidden lest we ruin.
A contest entry
- Beauty by Note The Sarcasm.
900 points, ended January 11, 2009, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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spot on...good luck with your contest entry. I enjoyed reading this one very much! peace and light, kp
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EEEP!!! love it love it love it!!!!!....................................................................................
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This is powerful, about the truly unattainable things that are forever beyond reach but all the more beautiful for it. Quite a great write, I can see why it won't a trophy. I am only surprised it didn't do better than honorable mention. I love the reference to Nefertitit in the last bit, and the metaphor of hidden orchids. Very well done.
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One of the unfortunate thing about these contests is that you have to deal with the background of the judges. I will accept your comment as my reward.
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Yes, great ending, short but powerful write. well done
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I love the ending to this, it's a beautiful picture, but I think you could put something like that in the beginning as well. Overall, I really liked this. Short and sweet!
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i liked this.i really liked the two lines
"the bar set too high to reach but close enough to drink."
thank you for posting. -
Clever. Very well written. I liked this. Good luck in the contest
-Faded -
Mm, I really liked this. I especially liked how you didn't use the word in your poem at all. I was kind of hoping things would go that way, to not use the word within the poem, or at least not overuse it, but yours is the first I've read that doesn't. And for that, I applaud you.
Great write!!
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A couple of powerful points to ponder here and a superb phrase.
"the bar set too high to reach
but close enough to have a drink"
What an epitaph that would make for so many unfortunate people.
Thoughtful work for a lazy season.
Jim
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"the bar set too high to reach
but close enough to have a drink" - clever i like this.
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