Two lines of a poem, trapped stagnant in time,
Completing each other with beautiful rhyme,
Are surrounded by others with whom they agree,
But these two will always together be.
Conversing together, in unison tied,
They harmonize sweetly lain side by side.
Apart, each has meaning, but coupled, they shine
With absolute beauty and truth most divine.
Our love is as constant, and always will stay,
But we are not captured and set on display.
Our love is more perfect: forever it grows;
New words of affection we daily compose.
Author notes
Prompt: love
Option: moment frozen in time
A contest entry
- Love Still Lingers by Scyphon.
1200 points, ended January 3, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a beautiful poem and feels so special.
Best of luck to you.
Riftkin
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Im a little distraught at the fact that you got so few applause, but I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. Love is not always about a man and a woman, and you told us all about that in this short and beautiful write. Thank you very much for your entry, one so different and strong. Keep the pen flowing
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Oh. This is a cute little poem that you have penned in here.
It is very sweet natured and light. And with the hearts border it could be just perfect for Valentine's day. I thought it open and honest sounding. You did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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Hello
How are you? I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
While I definitely enjoyed the rhythm of the poem,
I must say that a few of the rhymes were a bit forced.
I am referring in particular to the last lines of the three stanzas. If you are able to avoid the inversions and keep the rhyme going, the poem may benefit, otherwise it is fine as it is.
Happy New Year,
Maria -
Apart, each has meaning, but coupled, they shine
With absolute beauty and truth most divine.
Wow, this line made continued the thread beautifully to the following lines you wrote! I would really like to hear more from you and you work that was great -
Your poem tells me I would like to see more from you, you definately have the talent!
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Beautiful write here... Merry Christmas & Have a properous New Year.
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You are a talented poet. This verse has elegance, balance and beautiful word choice -- which tells me you have access to a strong vocabulary.
In the spirit of loving, constructive criticism, let me suggest to you that the fourth line in the first stanza is somewhat awkward, which interrupts the flow. Similarly,
I find the fourth line in the last stanza has a bit of the same flaw. I would like to have seen the poem end much stronger than it does, with a more powerful and ringing rhyme.
I also think that this has beautiful potential as a sonnet. As such, I would change the rhyme scheme to: abcd, efef, ghgh
- then concluding with a rhymed couplet.
I hope to see more of your wonderful work.
Have the merriest, Merry Christmas!
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