starlight flutters artificial
atop plastic boughs:
red velvet holds back eager
hearttaps
that jingle like silver bells.
the scene is frozen crystal
photographs; cadence waits for
little drummer boy
marching down a sleigh-trodden trail -
hark!
I'll be wrapped in swaddling clothes as
you drop me in our
manger;
carols tickle against yuletide
and lips left with the taste of roasting
chestnuts.
~~~
Author notes
not quite sure how this turned out. critiques please?
happy christmas, one and all.
In a list
A contest entry
- All I Want For Christmas...... by Angelflower.
700 points, ended December 30, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
mistletoe and holly.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This was really good, the flow was nice and the imagery vivid and detailed.. wonderful use of vocabulary as well. Wonderfully written! thank you very much for sharing. Best of luck in the contest.
Angel
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ooohhhh, hehehe....prettyness, and i just love the drift of the poem, its lovely cassie, i miss you
good luck in the contest.....
take care, Stephanie ♥
Merry Christmas!!!!!
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to you, too!!!
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i love the imagery and vocabulary.
merry christmas. =]
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"lips left with taste of roasting
chestnuts."
With the lack of a 'the' before 'taste', it felt very strange, since you used article words before.
But, I really loved the ending - it felt kind of...sarcastically happy to me.
Me gusta.
-Jessica
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I added the 'the' before 'taste', and I agree, it sounds a lot better.
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Thank you!
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This has such vivid imagery. It was creative and phrased in a way I just can't touch. And the overall idea and the emotion of the piece was intertwined with a more literal description of Christmas - it was very affective.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, YOU SMELL!
Not
Merry Christmas!!!!
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Thank you so much Ryan!
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