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~snowy regrets

snowy egret hides
I can only see your eyes
blink slow in the tree

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Malabu
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    two eyes
    blink slow in a tree
    snowy egret

    i had trouble with the first line especailly with hides
    this ku would make a better modern style ku
    thank you for your entry


  • hollowriver
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    the imagery is brilliant

    I'll blink for you

  • Wow

    Love this one.


  • Kathraina silver member
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    brilliant.

    ♥ Kathraina


  • DogFish silver member
    January 1
    Edit | Reply

    !


  • redbird
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a suggestion, possibly?

    a snowy egret hides
    only eyes
    blink from the tree

    i think that eliminating the 'you' from the haiku focuses the attention on the action in the tree.
    otherwise, i think this is strong.


    • redbarchettadrive gold member
      December 27, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for your input redbird! I appreciate you commenting here. I will surely consider the change if I go to publish this. Thanks again. Great advice.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful work with this Haiku
    and an enjoyable read! All the best
    to you with this one and thanks for
    sharing it here!




    Jeremy0826


  • Joseph Hollis
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a fine 'ku. I'm usually sold on anything involving birds. Love the play on words in the title. Best of luck to you.


    • redbarchettadrive gold member
      December 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      TY!

      Thanks Anessen!
      I almost named it No Regrets! I appreciate you taking your time to comment.

1 - 12 of 12