Engulfed by darkness
Racing, stumbling,
I plummet through the night
Gasping for breath, grasping for truth
As I feel the malevolence
Crawl over my skin
Like heavy mist
Accumulating on rusty, abandoned cars
I watch the danger as it flows in rivulets
All around me
Too unreal,
Too much of an impossible reality...
Then, through the haze
Something solid
A loving arm, clasped firmly around me
And I am no longer afraid
As I meld into the embrace
With a start
I find myself alone
The cold and darkness remain
My isolation
A new kind of danger
The rain flows over the windows
Coming in a torrent now
Grey and bleak
A harbinger of the dangers to come
Yet again
The wind whips across my face
My thin hood a poor defense
Against the deluge
The cold seeps down into my very core
Harrowingly reminiscent
Of the danger I have faced before
And as I begin to break down
My spirit defeated
Once more
Strength and affection
Are found in the arm that wraps around my shoulder
He is the same
Yet this time he will not dissolve into another world
This is reality
Still impossible maybe
But he is real, and he is mine
Wholly and completely
Author notes
Props to anyone who recognizes the title. ;-)
For those of you who don't, it's a quote from a Midsummer Night's Dream. A theme from that play that I love is the idea of a world of dreams and a world of reality, and the fact that they exist right beside one another. I don't like to explain the situations behind what I write, but I hope this little bit will help your own personal understanding of my piece. Thanks so very much for reading.
Blessings!
For contest: ap name- worshipchick
A contest entry
- doesn't feel the same. by edit my world..
1000 points, ended January 17, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment- suggestions always welcome!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Great descriptive piece, great use of metaphor to present interesting emotional ideas, well done!
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I wasn't going to read this poem at first, 'cause it had more lines than the one below it, but the title drew me in.
I like the rise and fall of the poem, how it's all darkness and fear, then it's comfort, warmth just from human companionship. I just got done playing Final Fantasy X and the end kind of reminds me of that. Which is good! I dunno if you've ever played it or not though.
I read A Midsummer Night's Dream in ninth grade, but didn't recognize the quote.
I'm not sure if I like the very last line, but at the same time, it seems incomplete if you end it with the line before that.
I dunno.
But great job! ^-^
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Yeah, I struggled with the ending, I have such a hard time portraying the idea of happiness or love without being cliche. (From my poems you'd think I have a lot more angst!) Thanks for the comment though!
Can't say I've played Final Fantasy, but definitely have friends who talk about it enough! :-D -
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If there's enough happiness and love in the world that it's cliche, that's a good thing! ^-^
Nuh problem.
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I love the "Midsummer Night's Dream" reference and feel like for the most part, this poem does Shakespeare's work justice. It is a bit long although not long enough to be considered epic but there are places where each word is not necessary and so I would consider paring it down a touch. I make this suggestion not so much in the interest of shortening the piece but of really drawing attention to the imagery and vocabulary used. For example:
"Engulfed by darkness
Racing, stumbling,
I plummet through the night
Gasping for breath, grasping for truth
As I feel the malevolence
Crawl over my skin
Like heavy mist"
would be:
"Engulfed by darkness,
plummeting through the night
Gasping for breath, grasping for truth
malevolence crawls over my skin
Like heavy mist..."
Nonetheless, this is a lovely piece of work & I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing!
- Bean Sidhe -
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Thanks so much for the thoughtful and encouraging comment! I do tend to be wordy, I appreciate the suggestions. :-) Blessings!
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I liked this...I feel sometimes I am trapped in a world of dreams while still walking in the realality of the now..
great job on this...
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Thanks for your thoughtful comments- I like feeling like someone has understood what I've written! ;-) Blessings!
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