Anight a celestial messenger,
Becharms me with an adagio dance
Lyrical songs alight my mind
Like a bard would do with words that enchant
The embrace of his power
Gentle, yet holds the strength of a God
Swaying in the moons full glow
As auric rains fall from up above
White gown clinging to my frame
As his wings, gently stroke my face
Whirlwinds of a day’s rainbow
Its neon glows into the night’s twilight
Lifting our souls to euphoric heights
This dreamland ball with mysterious dance
Enamors my heart in his presence
His omniscient wisdom
His bravery and benevolence he gives to me
The fluency of the love he quoths
Are so amorous to me…
I belong to him,
As the stars belong to the night
Intertwined in the wings of an angel
As he becharms me with an adagio dance tonight
Lisa Lynn ‘08
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Beautiful
Amazing imagery here, the words used were enthralling and I liked the way it was writting. It kept me hooked from beginning to end. Excellent write thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more
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wonderful
wonderful flow of words, very enchanting. I loved the way you talk about the strenth of God and I also liked the way you talk about a angel wing.
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AVERY GOOD POEM
His omniscient wisdom
His bravery and benevolence he gives to me
The fluency of the love he quoths
Are so amorous to me…
BEAUTIFULL LINES
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Anight -- I assume you mean "At night"?
also grappling with a redundant(?) pronoun in:
"His bravery and benevolence he gives to me"
vs.
"His bravery and benevolence are given to me"
or, better yet:
"The bravery and benevolence he gives to me"
I tend to lecture ad nauseum on A.P. about excessive pronoun use. You're actually not doing too bad in this poem... there are at least 10 lines that are free from I, me, my, he, his, our.
So, overall, the poem has a sweet sort of "Phantom of the Opera" feel to it... it skirts the edge of cliché (although:
"I belong to him, As the stars belong to the night"
steps squarely in a puddle of it!) and doesn't dwell excessively on I, me, my. It strikes me this merits a couple of hatchetless yellow axemen.
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wonderful write
this was like velvet and fine red wine
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Its neon glows into the night’s twilight
Lifting our souls to euphoric heights
This dreamland ball with mysterious dance
Enamors my heart in his presence
I loved these lines alot, you are so selective with your words, i really liked this poem alot
keep writing
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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ty
for sharing!
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amazing.
This is beautiful writing...everything flows perfectly. You have created a lovely picture and I am so very glad you shared this with us all.
You don't waste a single line; it's like you carefully selected and juxtaposed each word and line and came up with this loveliness.
--red
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This poem has a beautiful flow... Somehow you were able to make your transitions fluid while creating a rhyme-like quality. Your writing is gorgeous and full of expression!
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wonderfully written love the part....White gown clinging to my frame
As his wings, gently stroke my face
Whirlwinds of a day’s rainbow
Its neon glows into the night’s twilight
Lifting our souls to euphoric heights
This dreamland ball with mysterious dance
Enamors my heart in his presence...great write..
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oh my god..
this is stunning!! wow my friend a top favorite of mine! every single line is on point!
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Thank you so very much Swan, as you can see I was dreaming this evening. I'm glad that you have enjoyed this scribe....
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