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Abased; but alive to conquer another day~
Warring the hours one by one, in
minutes. . .
waiting for the sun.
The Season of despair skulks among my fellows,
just over there.
And I. . .
take my absence;
brief moments to gather my thoughts,
of Christmas and home.
When peace was fashioned by a sound mind,
adrift now.
Tarnished thoughts claim my memories
outside this make-shift home,
they call a Veterans Domiciliary. 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Comatose--X silver member
    March 4, 2009

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    ohh i like it alot, im not certain i quite grasp the entire meaning but i love the vocabulary and the way you rhymed it. I only have one suggestion. Change the font color. But thats probably just me i cant read things that are written in red ... Hope to talk soon ^^


    • Justified Inc.
      March 5, 2009

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      Oh thanks Drown.Me.Dry!
      Yeah this was a contest poem. I really should change the font. It's about a Veteran and his mental condition after the war.
      Thanks for reading and commenting...I hope to talk to you soon!
      Annette


  • cup-a-joe silver member
    February 13, 2009

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    I think you are right. He's sitting there remembering the past, and how he is now living
    in a strange place.
    I Don't care much for Christmas. When I was in Nam, there was supposed to be a cease fire for the day. The vietimese were not Christians, and we got mortared.
    Thank you for rememnbering the Vet's.
    Joe


    • Justified Inc.
      February 13, 2009
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      I thank God for our Vets! Thank you Joe! God bless you for your sacrifices and selflessness I cannot imagine what it has costed. You are in my prayers.
      Annette


  • Nicada silver member
    December 24, 2008
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    This is a heart tugging and emotional poem. You did a great job bringing the picture to life. It is painful to think about what our veterans suffer after sacrificing so much for us. They should be honored so much more than they are. Great job, and thanks much for entering. Blessings, Patty


  • BonnieQ silver member
    December 23, 2008

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    Wow! Excellent

    This is quite excellent, Annette! I looked at that picture of the old man and I could feel him thinking exactly what you have written. You've done a fantastic job of bringing in the emotion very vividly. This piece really should garner the gold.

    I definitely identify with these lines: "Abased; but alive to conquer another day~ Warring the hours one by one, in minutes." With the events in my last year and a half, which is ongoing, this is exactly how I feel: every attack, every physical and emotional pain, every injustice fought minute by minute while I wait for our Saviour to get us out of here.

    Well, done, dear one! SisBon


    • Justified Inc.
      December 24, 2008
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      SisBon~

      I am sorry you are being so attacked, it is a hard thing! Thank you for the beautiful review. I waited for your comment, wondering if I did okay with the punctuation.........knowing that you would know! I appreciate you so much.
      Love you,
      Annette

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