you sent me postcards from Italy
sweet pastures and busy bulbs of lights
while passing streets shuffled through my life.
somewhere in switzerland you saw
flocks of birds on wind swept beaches.
you talked about English summer rain
and i noticed you paid close attention to my response
i dont want to hear about rain.
i would sit alone with a hand flat against my chest re-reading them,
wondering how you knew i was still wearing mens T-shirts after so long.
in reality you reminded me of empty worded homes
and dirty laundry.
Author notes
alloy:
–noun 1. a substance composed of two or more metals, or of a metal or metals with a nonmetal, intimately mixed, as by fusion or electrodeposition.
2. a less costly metal mixed with a more valuable one.
3. standard; quality; fineness.
4. admixture, as of good with evil.
5. anything added that serves to reduce quality or purity.
–verb (used with object) 6. to mix (metals or metal with nonmetal) so as to form an alloy.
7. to reduce in value by an admixture of a less costly metal.
8. to debase, impair, or reduce by admixture; adulterate.
-inspired by this photo
DavidKing12@deviantart.com/
hm. i dont know.. i have to see what i should change.
A contest entry
- You have two choices by Never Fall in Love.
550 points, ended February 5, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
pockets.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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no critique.
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excellent expression
Your words have created so many strong images, and emotions.
I sense an ambiguity in your emotions, as if you wanted his postcards to contain something more than they did, but then the last line does a total 360, and is a surprise for the reader.
Excellent take on the picture!
Good luck in this contest!
Jeannette
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"wondering how you knew i was still wearing mens T-shirts after so long."
wow.
the one thing i don't like about this piece is the ending, which feels too vague for some of the hard-hitting images from the first few stanzas, the crowds, the birds, the rain, all of which are very real, but "empty worded homes
and dirty laundry." seem far too metaphorical for this piece.
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yeahh i was def having trouble with this one but im not gonna fuss with it but thank you for your honest opinon
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"English summer rain"
zomg Placebo!!!
I loved the imagery in this piece and how you described the locations and feelings and the loss. it was so sad and heart wrenching and I feel like I have no ribcage in my torso.
♥
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I lovedddddd "busy bulbs" I am in Europe at the moment actually! - in Barcelona.
I enjoyed this
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i like windswept more than windy swept, but whatevz.
'i intertwined my fingers with my own and stood up from the bed'
i think one of the my's isnt supposed to be.
thats all the criticism i have. i like it. it feels personal, but untimely. suspended, i guess. the title is fucking magnetic. i couldnt not read this.
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reworked.
i like the changes a lot.
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this is every sad european novel.
and film.
absolutely incredible, i saw this in black and white.
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- reference to beirut in the opening lines was solid, i'm not sure if it was deliberate.
-"wondering how you knew i was still wearing mens T-shirts after so long."
that was painful man.
and good ending lines too
i love you for this
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