Little one,
there's nothing to fear.
You are quite safe,
with me my dear.
There are no beasties,
or goblins and such.
Don't worry, they won't
have you for lunch.
There is no reason,
for you to fear.
For they stay hidden,
in daylight, I hear.
Their claws and fangs,
will stay away.
They don't dare come out
during the day.
Look at the time,
It's getting quite late!
Time to sleep,
your bed awaits.
The ghosts and goblins,
hate the light.
So I'm sure they only,
come out at night.
Sleep tight!
A contest entry
- Verse Poetry - Form or Metered by Corey Harvard.
500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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A cute little bedtime poem you have here! It makes me think of the picture poetry books that used to sit on my shelf when I was tiny. So lets talk about the poem:
Subject. The subject is nice; nothing particularly new or unexpected but also nothing trite or overdone. I'm a sucker for children's poetry, so you get brownie points.
The language feels a little forced in some places. I think it has to do with your aim to make this a children's poem. Also, you have a contradictory idea here: for they stay hidden/in daylight I bet. It's contradictory because your tone is affirming ("little one, there's nothing to fear"... "there is no reason to panic") and then you tag "I bet" on the end of this sentence (as though you aren't completely sure).
Your meter is a little bumpy in some places but generally you have a good grasp of it. I was happy with how you handled the form.
And, of course, the little "sleep tight!" on the end was nice.
Thanks for the entry!
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thanks, i'll try to improve it
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