When, I
finally
got the call
to go,
I drove
straight through
images, feelings,
isolation and silence
so palpable;
so much like, like
nothing
known.
This last visit
home, I
would see him,
emptied,
see him
lying there,
his unfamiliarity,
half covered;
wrinkled old ashen sheet.
I sat,
as always,
listening -
though, not
for a story
but
a cough, a sign.
I found
only
my own slow sigh
falling
like snow
amid his stillness;
the only time
he let me kiss him,
a very long cold ride from here.
~r.
All rights reserved,
© Dec. 2008, R.G. Braley
(astralshepherd)
.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This was beautiful. The quiet cold of a winter ride to get to where you really didn't want to be, no matter how much it was a necessity. The beauty of the falling snow, even akin to his stillness, and the one and only kiss you ever got to give.
Absolutely beautiful. -
Riveting
This is excellently done...Spartan in word count but lush in meaning. The image you evoke in the second and third stanzas really stirs echoes of memory for me. I have felt that
"driving straight through
images, feelings,
isolation and silence
so palpable;"
Alone in a car....the mind molds such things into near solidity - you can be crushed by their weight, if you allow it.
This does for me that magic that I most love in poetry....connects me to the main - to my own humanity - by allowing me to discover once again how our thoughts and feelings run so parallel to those of others....even the deep ones that we thought no one could understand.
I read this and I think, "Yes! I know just how that feels! How can he know the geography of my heart so well?!!"
Excellent write!
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My heart constricted in my chest reading this, Richard. The poetry is stunning, to say the least, and your thoughts bring me to brinks and precipices that make me swallow hard and blink back tears, also remembering ...
I've thought of you often recently. This last year has been something of a rollar coaster ride...my heart in my throat most of the time.
Karen
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These are times when I just don't really know what to say
I am nearly speechless Richard. This is such a deeply emotional write. This would be something that would be very difficult to cope with, if we did not know the love of our creator. Strange how some people blame God for the loss of a loved one, but if you really know Him and His sacrificial love, you know that He weeps with us at times like this, because He sees what is in our heart Another beautiful and inspirational work from an eloquent pen. I feel so blessed to have gotten a chance to read your works here at AP. God bless you, and best wishes for the new year, and throughout the coming years. ~Susan
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Sadly Beautiful
Wow! What a poignant poem, and such a sad loss for you. You have written this so beautifully though, with some amazing imagery. This lends to the reader truly feeling the depth of your emotions in this incredible loss in your life. Blessings to you, Patty
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thank you, Patty, tho the loss was more than twenty years ago - i still find myself stumbling over the memory.
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It's got amazing imagery. I can see just about everything in this, very vividly. Sorry for your loss. I've recently experienced one myself. Such is life though, we live to die. Anyway, I like the poem and I like how you broke up the lines so that there is only a little on each line. One suggestion, however. Try not to put "but" or "and" on a separate line, it makes it sound a bit choppy. Anyway, great job with this poem and keep writing!
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Shassidy, thank you for your comment, I appreciate it very much.
Your remarks are welcome here. The whole idea of "but" or "and" –
the placement of a conjunction within a body of text
does indeed matter greatly, especially when reading aloud
from a piece of literature…I agree with you, correct grammar
is important.
Here, however, grammar is given a holiday to allow the mind
to feel and the heart to see what is being offered to the ear.
The usasge of “but” or “and” within a poem or prose is for the
EXACT purpose of break OR connection – to cause a
stumble-point for the hearer, reader, audience.
And it is so much like life, where we offer far too many “but”
statements as well as the rambling nature of “and” –
and ,and, and ( ad nauseum ).
We say “but” looking for the exceptions that allow us
to do what we want. We say “and” – (and, and, and)
hoping that we will be granted at least one of our desires
in a long wish- list to some celestial or cosmic being or force.
But
I ramble on
and
have said too much.
blessings and best wishes,
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It sounds sad, but well written.
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