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The Eye of the Beholder

Dipped in pool of indigo,
sorrowful ink flows through
onto this sandy parchment.

 

In trembling movements,

characters are inscribed

revealing words of a dismal life.

 

A pointed apex 

harboring chagrin.


My body is becoming heavy

with overflowing despair

captured inside.

 

Upon this polished mahogany,

alongside this melancholy note

stained with tears,

 

I see it all.

 

A first stage of anger;

Objects propelled

through the black-velvet air.

 

A leaking bottle of whiskey

stains my soft feather.

 

A second stage of questioning;

Shrieking cries sound, demanding

an answer to his abandonment.

 

Finally, I rest immobilized

as I watched him run to the edge

of insanity, through the shattered glass.

 

He fell through misty skies.

 

This letter, I've assisted in writing

still lies beside me,

submerging me in distress,

enveloping me in vast darkness.

Author notes

POY Contest

31 Lines

Theme/Topic: A quill writing a suicide letter.

A contest entry

What did you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • trista gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the Silver!

    This was another of my favorites; I'm so happy to see it did well. My apologies in not being able to finish judging...but it looks like you did just fine without me. Hope to see more of you over at DP!

    Best wishes,
    ~J.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Unusual theme, well written. Congrats on silver!

    "My body is becoming heavy"
    perhaps
    "My body sinks"-?



  • islekine gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and Congratulations!

    This was one of my favorites from the start! So glad to see you took Silver!
    Write on!
    Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent!
    I shall be reading more!

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats sweetie


  • aboomer silver member
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    Great wording!
    congrats on the Silver!!


  • Overcast
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats!!


  • cricketjeff gold member
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is well done, an unusual theme and beautifully written

    Imagery excellent and very well thought out.

    Good stuff

    Jeff


  • eyesofanangel524
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is truly wonderful Your imagery and your verse are constant and alluring. I found myself to be captivated in every word and line. The emotion touched me...I am truly at a lack for words as to me this is a masterpiece. I am so taken that I am adding you to my favorites list as your work is work I truly wish to read more of. Best of luck to you in the contest and I do agree with bear...this deserves great recognition and deserves to be among the top 10 if not gold. Bravo poetess...bravo


  • Arkbear gold member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello ~

     

    First off.....you have not only become one of my favorite Poets to enter into the PO's as of late.....but you are one whom has grown soooo very much......for my taste, anyways ~

     

    Thie Theme has been waiting to be penned by someone for over 18 months of PO' Contests......and I am glad it was you who took it and framed it into a masterpiece of sorrow and beauty ~

     

    Is it the best in format?.....no.....is it the best in punctuation?.....no....>>>

     

    But......to me, this has one of the greatest Lasting Impressions in this contest.....I shall see this in the top 10, I would bet to say ~

     

    Never take my word on a bet....but assure yourself, if it was up to me, you would be in the top 10 for sure.....Creativity is one way to get my attention.....and you delivered....good luck & God bless,

     

    Bear ~


  • thepoetssoul
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    BRILLIANT..
    This is written with some powerful images that tug deep within.The imagery and metaphor is top shelf, giving this piece it's uniqueness.Splendidly done in vivid colour and taste.Best of wishes to you sweet soul.

    Tony


  • DolceVito gold member
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    Beautifully expressed write, sad but enjoyable read.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello Ylova, and welcome to the POY

    This is incredible, and it's easily one of my favourites as well. Your imagery was amazing, and I felt for the poor soul imprisoned within the quill. Very effective use of poetic-devices, and I'll agree that you've connected with your audience wonderfully. Best of luck, and thank you for entering!

    Best wishes,

    Laura

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi and welcome to the POY this is another one of my favorites for this contest very well written a them that I have not seen before on here like Iskline I would suggest a different title maybe
    Addicted to Ink
    remember no editing once a judge has commented


  • TwilightDazzles
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Holy jeez....this was amazing. The theme is so very creative and unique. I am in love with this write. "He fell through misty skies" I love that line. Amazing job hun! Best wishes to you in the contest

  • islekine gold member
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh Yes!

    Now this is a very worthy write!!! Thanks so much for your entry...I do wish you would have come up with a less cliche title...But the creativity and words are wonderful!
    Best wishes in the contest and always!
    Write on and on!


    REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your work!


  • Myth Of Twilight
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good work not bad at all i like it good work lots of heart


  • PerfectImperfection
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is truly beautiful, heart wrenching imagery in hopeful glide ... You have quite a way with words, and the conveyance here is superb in my opinion.

    "A second stage of questioning;
    Shrieking cries sound, demanding
    an answer to his abandonment."

    .. Those lines especially tugged upon my heart. Lovely write. Best wishes in the contest!


  • maralisa silver member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw hun this is just so brilliant a wonderful take onthe promt full of great imagery and powerful emotions good luck inthe contestmaralisa


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I honest was blown away by this one, one of my favorites poem of the day, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • JinSays gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ohmy, my lovely daughter, this is something else. I don't really know what to say, except that the two suicids I've dealt with never left a note, never cried out for help, just went and blew their brains out without us ever knowing why.
    I cannot help but think of Virginia Woolfe, and how she went to her death, so trgically poetic, and so many times copied.
    I wish you all the best in this contest.
    I love you with all my heart, and I wish you a very Merry Christmas.
    Love always,
    Jin


  • Dalaney gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW...this is one helluva read!
    I don't think I blinked at all! When
    I got to your a/n's it gave me a shiver...
    a perfectly told tale of a suicide quill...

    Love, Lane


  • Joseph Hollis
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the simple, non-cluttered presentation of this. Such a dark and sorrowful theme you've captured here. The imagery is nice as well. Best of luck to you in the contest.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful and I enjoyed every line
    in it. All the best to you in this contest!
    I hope that you do well with it my friend.
    Take care and thanks a lot for sharing it here!




    Jeremy0826


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Poem of the year?! I would never have the balls to enter that contest lol. Your wording was incredible and I really love that ending! Another great poem from you my dear! I wish you all the best in the contest.

    Take care


  • Stormy Days
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like the theme the poem flow is a bit choppy other than that is is a good poem
    ~GOOD LUCK~
    *Mystal*

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