Well, Christmas is coming
and our food is full of fat;
our kids will leave for Santa
a 'bit' of this and that:
A burger full of sausage meat,
an upgrade side of fries;
a supersized iced milkshake
and a plate of nanna's pies.
A Dairy Queen grilled sandwich
and a wedge of tater treats,
a bucketful of smarties
and some very sticky sweets.
A microwaved hot dinner
of maccaroni cheese;
a curry puff that warms your throat
to roasting, by degrees.
A plastic mug of coffee,
a flask of hot pea soup;
a day-old wad of fairy floss
that's shrunk down to a gloop.
These things are left for Santa
so people know he's been,
but it's getting so much harder
to eat all this cuisine.
His belt is stretched to bursting
and his boots are left undone,
the reindeer asked for helpers
for Santa weighed a ton!
Author notes
Option 3: Short Christmas poems to inspire you
Picture credit: profile.myspace.com (Google Images)
A contest entry
- A Christmas Special for Bandits Only... by The Poetic Bandits.
1750 points, ended December 31, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very funny!
The tense in the final two lines doesn't seem to match the rest of the poem. -
There was a funny thing circulating the Internet a couple years ago which proved Santa couldn't exist. It calculated the tonnage of the sleigh if every kid received a one pound present; determined the approximate number of miles to fly in 24 hours; etc. It turns out that to accelerate to the appropriate speed, air friction would instantly vaporize the reindeer that were pulling the sleigh and the whole thing would crash within meters of where it started.
I don't think they ever got to the part about how much weight Santa would gain with just 8 oz. of milk and three cookies (let alone a complete feast at the Evans' residence) at every stop.
I'm amused at the rhyme been/cuisine! In America we've rounded 'been' off to 'bin'. "Been there, done that" becomes 'bin nare, dun nat'.
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Hilarious accounting of foods chosen for Santa, strung with great rhythm and rhyme!
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Judges Comment...
This poem is such fun to read, thanks for making me chuckle...Santa does deserve his treats though, for working so hard every Christmas
Amusingly composed with lots of exquisite imagery, even with the title lol
Your word flow is engaging and uplifting, a well constructed and inspiring poem
~Lilac
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Brilliant humor and truly said, good Poet! I do admire this wonderful poem packed with food that makes me hungry.
lol
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A perfectly delightful poem of the journeys (and trials) of that Jolly Old Elf. How those poor reindeer ever pull that sleigh is a mystery to me...LOL Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the contest.
Brother Dennis
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Now i know why Santa never reached my house last year Stuck in someone damn chimney, Kindly stop feeding the old gent until he has completed his shift (Thank You)
a wonderful poem I enjoyed reading Good luck in the contest
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LMAO you have painted a picture in my head of all those little items we leave out for Santa as he drops by to leave those presents beneath the tree....our small food tokens of thank you combined sure must make him weigh a ton....could be why he often gets his white beard caught in doors left ajar because he cant make up the chimney....brilliantly crafted Thank you for the pleasure of this read. Good luck.....Merry Christmas to you and your family.
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