Its not for me to weep at victim’s door,
for I have loved before and will again.
But Oh I feel the limp of heart made sore,
so make my peace with pain and what remains.
Was just for love I lived yet now I’m broke,
my dreams enslaved, rare moments have I slept
as in the night reality evokes.
the other one who waltzes where I crept.
What fears I hide, while lamentations seep,
carried like a secret tide, swim soul-less.
To love or no, this thunder that I keep,
buried prey refusing body wholeness.
Will I love again? not until I sweep
the arrow from my heart- mayhap too deep.
Ronnica 08
A contest entry
- Olde Fashioned Love by Titus.
1400 points, ended December 30, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #180 Winklings Sonneteers & Villanellists invite you in! by Lyndon.
2400 points, ended July 7, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Dialectic persona's voice.
Lovely sonnet which reaches down to the heart's core.
There are one or two mechanical errors (initial capitals) but this verse is very enjoyable when read aloud.
One could find such a poem (mechanically refined) in C19 anthologies. You have the ability to write that preserved local Northern voice.
Thank you so much.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Thank you Ron for recognising what I always felt was not an asset but a
rogue, (Tinged with my mothers Irish brogue) and I spent half of my life trying to rid it . I almost did... I thought
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There is a Yorkshire dialogue in this that I've not come across before, ie: ‘tis not for me to weep at victim’s door," with ('the'), between at ... and victim. very clever, I may try this. night reality evokes. is almost like nightly revoke. You have subconsciouly revealed many things in this poem. and this> is almost telling us just that, :- carried like a secret tide, swim soul-less / To love or nay, this thunder that I keep. Overall, I feel a positive view on love.
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Outstanding
This is a wonderful sonnet with great flow and unerring iambic pentameter. You managed to include a lot of imagery and detail in your sonnet as well which is not easy to achieve. I enjoyed reading this a lot. Best of luck in the contest.
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Wow!
I love this old-fashioned poem with its sentiment painted in dense description, yet it so clearly rings through! Just a beautiful read. Thanks for sharing!
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What a perfect iambic pentameter rhythm you've got happenning here and nicely rhymed on the ends. A neat and tidy poem with the emotions remaining slightly reserved to capture the demeanour of the period. Well done...alby
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Thank you alby, a skip back into the past for me.
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