Eventually, all angels lose their wings
and will never again experience
the joy that flying brings.
They used to fly every single night
and throughtout the long, painful day
they only thought about taking flight.
Their purpose of living is to fly,
when their purpose is taken away
they can only say good-bye.
Without wings they have no point,
they say good-bye to the heavens
for if they stay, they'll surely disappoint.
They're depressed, but will survive,
right now the should be glad
they can say they are alive.
Their angelic years are in the past
they are here on Earth with us,
just trying not to be outcast.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I love the emotional depth in this...your wording/rhyme is lovely!
thank you for your entry
best wishes
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"Ugh"? Why? This is great. At least, I like it. I like the three-line stanza form you've chosen. I thing, before I go on, Stanza 2, line one, there's a typo "every" instead of "ever". I love the rhyme scheme, it's great and never once feels forced. I particularly like stanza 5, it's brilliant. This is a great poem, and I don;t understand why you'd start your Author Notes with "ugh". It's a great take on the prompt. Good contest luck!
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thanks. i changed the typo. and i didnt really think this poem was very good when i posted it, thats why the authors notes said "ugh." lol
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Wonderful
A great prewrite choice. So very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your entry in my contest.
Thank you for your take on the prompt, it was definitely worth being in the contest and shows that you thought about the prompt as you wrote.
This is a sad poem, the style is suggestive of deep thoughtfulness and melancholy. This technique has the capacity to to bring forth intense emotion and introspection to the reader and without doubt the potential for that can be found in this write.
But, please understand that this is a personal opinion, I found the thought process to be very cyclical in this example; the expression of the sadness associated with the loss of flight and the feeling of pointlessness repeated too tightly and too close together without any direction or sense of movement. I do understand the nature of depression, I just feel that you could have done more to resolve it in your write.
That being said, aside from a few minor typos and grammar points, you did a very good job at this and I did find it moving. Good luck with your future writes and I wish you all the best.
Adrian
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awww....
this is kinda bittersweet, i really like it. like, just trying to get by type thing... lol, i make no sense.
anyways, i loved the rhyme, it fit really well witht he prompt and the pic! and the whole thing flowed beautifully. great job, good luck!
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thanks!
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