The dark desolate hours
I spent crying for you and what I thought was ours.
Your weakened heart,
Has cast me aside and now we must be apart.
The timid walls of boundary around you,
They must be shattered down to make anew.
Sew up the shot out holes in your soul,
Mend the weakness, you have the control
Tears of rage and anger and emotion lash out,
Your finding your way to feel what love is all about.
My arms are outstretched for you,my spirit dances with fear
Only to hold your blackened heart near.
Light glows through you filling the air,
I grab my heart because I am aware.
Now that you have found your way to love,
It's nothing that you should fear of.
Author notes
Hope ya like it, i was bored out of my mind.
A contest entry
- absolutly anything! by nobodys-girl.
527 points, ended December 29, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrites only contest by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 5, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and/or Love poetry contest, posted from Korea! (ROK) by Akarian.
950 points, ended January 20, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything you find wrong let me know, but don't completely bash me either. *bites nails*
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Beautiful...emotion packed, well written. Blessings.
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"Sew up the shot out holes in your soul,"
It's not a lovely feeling but it is a great imagery. -
Some of the rhymes felt a little forced, but maybe that's just me. Not bad, even for a rhyming poem =P
Good luck! -
i love this! i have to say my favorite lines were "Tears of rage and anger and emotion lash out, Your finding your way to feel what love is all about." its just amazing. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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saddening but beautiful write...
nice rhyming scheme...
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"weakend" is "weakened".
Is it all that you have wanted and above?
I feel that this line is very weak--it sounds like you used the word "above" just because you needed to make it rhyme.
Overall it's not bad, although there are places where you could take out the commas and it would flow better. -
Oh this was Beautiful! This part is so sad, "Your weakend heart,
Has cast me aside and now we must be apart." I can totally relate. Twas a very lovely poem! (and btw I was wondering, since you said you would return the favor hopefully, I was hoping you could read Your My [Ultimate] ) I really like your poetry, and good luck with the contest.
Crazy-Love♥
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