i kNOw what you want/need the mostest. [ie]={badly}
and i am REaDy to make it hap{pen}/[is]
your LIPs part[y]
/F/U/C/K/M/E/A/L/R/E/A/D/Y/G/O/D/D/A/M/N/I/T/!
the way you beg for it
STICK it,
ram it
shove it
PLEASE!
harder[>]faster?
faster[>]harder?
/I/D/O/N/'/T/F/U/C/K/I/N/G/C/A/R/E/!
tugged[pulled]bent[tossed]smacked
{ohgodyessmacked,godyes!}
sweat:sweet:sticky:sweeter:[em/kcuf]
{beggingagainandagain}
hand-hugging your throat
.d.u.z.i.t.r.o.k.k.u.r.b.o.a.t.?
suck it in{side} of you
my love-doll/fuck-stick
plead_beg_whimper_moan_scream{ing[et al.]}
angelic
graceful
mannered
lovely
little
/n/o/t/s/o/f/u/c/k/i/n/g/l/i/t/t/l/e/n/o/w/b/i/t/c/h/!
dirty[~p~r~e~t~t~y~}whore
in re[a]d lipstick.
i am what u want/need so bad[ly]~sobadlyithurts~
and i am ready to make this hap{pen}/[is]
Author notes
Never really written in dirty pretty before, but I had an itch in need of scratching. Hope I did the format at least SOME justice. Tried to bring in a few things taking the views of both partners into account in one single line. Who knows? I'm still trying to figure out if I actually pulled it off....
A contest entry
- DIRTY [P.r.e.t.t.y] WHORE by Candy Morphine.
550 points, ended January 6, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Go ahead... be honest.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I get the gimmick, and while I don't particularly like it, I can still tell the difference between done well and done poorly. I think you went way overboard with it, using it in places where there's really no impact to be had other than making it hard for the reader to actually translate what's on the page back into English.
It's good to be playful, though, and this can be a really fun tool to for making the important words and ideas pop from the page. Try being a bit more choosy about where and how you use all these "decorations" to emphasize the important parts of the poem instead of just overshadowing the whole message. -
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Okay, I guess I understand, or you didn't, but either way, I appreciate the comment, thanks a bunch! Perhaps it's just that it's mine but it makes perfect sense to me.
HG -
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"but it makes perfect sense to me."
LOL. In the end, that's the only thing that really matters anyway.
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I'm not sure how to read it. It was hard. I mean I guess I do get what it's about overall, but I keep wondering if the little words in brackets and the likes supposed to be signifcant in a different way from the rest of the poem? Or is that just hte format of dirty pretty? Which ever the case, it sure makes it difficult to read and understand.
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wow i've never read a poem like this. i'm glad this was the first one like it i read:]. absolutly fantastic!
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wow
i love it i love the way this piece is written very awosme they way this is written i love the whole thing nothing to complain about keep it up keep on going stay true stay sic peace out and have a nice day -
a most commendable poem. lovely work
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Ok this was pretty hard for me to read with everything in it, but I got through it and got the jest of it! Very well done... my favorite part?
hand-hugging your throat
Yup that would be it!!! Good job and good luck in the contest that you've entered! -
oh wow;
i havn't really read that much erotica (is that what you class this poem; i never know) and i havn;t really read much dirtypretty either;
BUT
this poem is amazing in both accounts (even though my knowledge is pretty limited). i loved the lust; the urgency; but also the undercurrent of bitterness.
excellent!!
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