I always awaited the moment when you would look at me-
cigarette pack half finished by now,
but still hours left until the sun would rise.
"I think I smoke too much."
And then you'd pop another pill, drink another shot,
and light up one more time.
We would pop bottles upon bottles
in a [failed] attempt to cope with a life that we
didn't know how to live.
And when the sky would start to turn into those brilliant colors
of pink, orange, yellow, guilt...
I prayed that God [or Fate or karma or someone, anyone]
would cleanse me of my sins.
There was a time when all we knew about sobriety
were those times, so many days later,
when we realized we hadn't slept since 24, 57,
a million hours ago.
There were times when we knew we were dirty
with our transgressions.
Those moments when even the drugs
[our crutch]
couldn't make us forget what we'd become.
I looked up to the clouds and softly whispered
promises to change, promises to change.
Our father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in Heaven.
[please, God, deliver me from evil]
Because yes, I made a decision to turn my will
over to the care of God.
Two years later, I found that I wish I hadn't.
A contest entry
- Something Different!!! {{Come Take A Look}} by PerfectImperfection.
800 points, ended January 6, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
*sigh*
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Wow
This was excellent.
Deserved more than just an honourable mention.
Just. wow. Don't know what else to say.
Loved it!
-
This is very intriguing - as I was really wondering just what you would do with this prompt.. A very thoughtful journey from thought to self; the pain of the anchor carried, and the struggle to redeem.
I enjoyed what you did here, there were some awkward moments - but to me, that is emotion - when is it not? Nicely done, thank you for your entry!
-
-
Thanks a lot! I appreciate your support and encouragement.
When I wrote this poem, I didn't stop throughout the entire process.
For me, this poem was like a cleansing experience.
And even though it's not perfect, I found it close to my heart.
Thanks again. =]
-
-
Powerful!
My god, if I had a dollar for everytime I felt like that, did that, and felt so hopeless and then betrayed by the God I always hoped was there because I couldnt get myself to be clean...needless to say I probably wouldn't be in my current situation. Kind of reminds me of a song I still love because it reminds me that I am human and as a result filthy with an unwashable mortality. I just said that in a very depressing way, but the realization actually helped get me pretty clean. here is the lyric that this kind of reminds me of...its the second verse of "inches from the mainline" by slaves on dope, and the chorus.
Put myself in a program of recovery
Saw another side of life that was beautiful
It allowed to incorporate a way of life
That was meaningful to you
But you can never let go of the past
Sometimes the winner is really dead last
I know I'm clean
But my mind is so filthy, so filthy
So beautiful!
This beast doesn't let me go!
It's makin' me!
(feel so strong)
I'm trying to re-create insanity!
(feel so strong)
Don't rush me!
I'm fragile!
I wont bark
But I'll bite back, and I'll attack!
Its been a year free of any drugs, and about 4 months of being sober. Sometimes you can't "get clean" but when you admit that you feel dirty and may not be able to change...thats when the magic happens. It stops becoming a need, and becomes a choice. If a person needs help to maintain their choice, then so be it. Don't know if you actually are coming from first person or not, but The lyric and anecdote still remains, and can be applied to just about everything.
-
Thank you for your prompt -
now here is one for you to work with:
"Wash me
God I wanna get this off me
If you wanna love me scrub me
Say a little prayer for me"
From "Jesus Doesn't Love Me" - Dragonette -
I love your prompt so much, I mostly entered 'cause there's a 1/9 chance I'll get this makes me want to read that book.
-
-
It really is an amazing book.
Send me your address, I'll send you the book.
Or you can find it on Amazon. -
-
You may be too kind.
But I'm generally not that quick to give my address online, nothing personal.
Thank you, though. I'll look it up
-
-
Lol, I figured as much. That's why I mentioned Amazon.
They have it madd cheap on there, and Marquez is a great author.
Good luck in the contest!
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
