If these words of mine could sway crowds,
And touch the base and callous heart;
if it could convince him who doubts
that e'en this day there is a bard
who wields the pen o'er knife and sword
Conjuring with it word for word
Song and verse, magical and sweet
Enchanting, where it's sung or read.
If it could rekindle fires
In hearts where love has grow-en cold
And refuel spent desires
In lovers that have long gone old.
If it can bring tears to the gay
And bring laughter where there's dismay
Then my words were never wasted
And I'll know, how success tasted.
E'en then, I'll put my pen to sheathe
From now, as long as I still breathe
If but one syllable has proved
To have left your heart unmoved.
Author notes
Ahhh! So good to write again. Enjoy it!
MY POEM ROCKS!
Written February 10th, 2004
A contest entry
- Many Choices Pre-Writes Allowed! by Sunset.
300 points, ended April 23, 2004, 189 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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*stalkstalk*
I'm so happie...
I keep reading all this wonderful poetry that you write... You're sooooo good... *Whine*
I'm jsut a whiny little girl...
Isn't it fun to get reviews from whiny little girls? -
That was an awesome poem. Dont stop writting!
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I really enjoy your work!
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Thank you Stephanie. I appreciate all criticisms done to construct. I'm not an English mother tongue speaker so I can sometimes get my tenses quite muddled up! I will apply these changes as soon as I have a chance. Luckily it doesn't seems like it will have any major effect on the structure of the poem.
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generally, i liked this. the overall gist of it. it's interesting to see some of the contraction tools you use because they aren't really seen in casual conversation. there were a FEW specific nits that maybe i can address for you:
1. If it could rekindle fires
In hearts where love has grow-en cold
And refuel spent desires
In lovers that has long gone old.
in lovers that HAVE long gone old. I think this would be the correct way. because desires has gone doesn't sound right as compared to desires have gone.
2. If these words of mine could sway crowds,
And touch the base and callous heart;
if it could convince him who doubts
if IT could convince. maybe if THEY could convince? perhaps i'm reading this incorrectly, but i thought you were saying if the words could... which would be plural. and lead to they.
as i said, i did enjoy this overall. was just hoping that perhaps i could be of help as far as those two small things were concerned. -
I agree with all and yourself...... your poem does rock
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Wonderful write,Dont you dare quit with that pen for you have moved me,this was the first poem I have read by you and I must say I am impressed!! Lovely poem!!
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10 out 10
Brad, you are getting better all the time. This is a classic. I wish you all the best for the competition. You must tell me what has sparked this whole creative side you never expressed before. Grahamstown has been good to you :-) -
Wow, I like this. You've the right to be cocky, I guess.
-Josie
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Great!!
brad-the-bard~
Hey! This was a wonderful poem. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading many more wonderful poems by you. You truly are a good writer!!!
~!~Babie Gurl~!~ -
Cool poem. I like it. Good to hear you're writing again. Good luck in the contest.
~Tawnya~ -
this poem rocks
simply awesome
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DOnt put the pen down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hold it!!! hold it. Im moved by all the syllables!
haha
Great write here!
DOnt ever put the pen to sheathe.
aura
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