Those brown eyes
So troublesome, so thrilling
They used to send inviting chills
Used to smile down on me
And lift me higher than the sky
But in comes unglamorous woes
And tales of mistakes and blunders
On part made by myself
For I did not heed the warnings
But most of all made by him
For he proved the warnings true
And after all he had done to me
He could not even stay in my time of dismay
And so these things led those eyes to gaze
At other fields with their luscious, green grass
Growing with wonderful wildflowers
Free of melancholy winds and somber storms
While my field dies more and more each passing day.
Author notes
Kind of upset, not so good of a write. Definitely needs editing so i encourage all of you to be a tough critique and tell me what my mistakes are and what i can do to fix it. thanks <3 lexie.
Also, need a better title. Ideas?
Broken
A contest entry
- When You're Heart Gets Broken... by DarkLotus4Life..
765 points, ended January 1, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your break-up poems by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended January 5, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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No so sure about this one. Have to think about it. Just for some reason doesn't get my attention to well. I don't feel anything. Nor do you use a lot of imagery in it. Just words.
thanks for sharing this one and thanks for entering it into my contest. -
'Great...amazing...I liked this poem, much-lee.. good job.....
You 'v made it to the finals. -
Oh my lawd
This is amazingYou haven't been on in foevers!!
Its ironic, your back but back with woes.
Woes can help with possibly?
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