baby curved mouth at stranger
who is pleased with smile
except it isn't one,
or unspecific up to pupils
and not just cute lip curl,
more than fun but intimacy (infer the imitation)
little one gives to its mother...
ah heavenly father can heal more than lachrymal
creation and not only in lack of mal
may I resurge by one never distrusted,
a surgery sure in full practice of love
a tent of togetherness doesn't feel thrown ~
for infant to grow to human
without just eye of anatomy
as I braid my hair again
after cut momentum of miscarriage ropes,
this isn't a thistle snag sung milking hope
A contest entry
- the face, I lost... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
550 points, ended December 27, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please leave off good luck, unnatural emoticons, applause symbols...hypes
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Humm...very much thought provoking immageries you took..and wrapped them into the curious concepts..making me to ponder the poetry over and over again..well done.,.
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PrabhuDayal Khattar you did make want to capture of recapturing
thanks so much for not shrugging off my use of where the inspiration conceptually took me, from lifetime considerations to steady smiling ~
I've gotten behind replying but I like to,
called Carolyn
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Words are my stock and trade, so I am left gaping wondering what in the world you are writing about and what does it have to do with the contest prompt? I do get the idea that you write of a baby and, perhaps, illude to the effects its parents have on it: positive or negative or both. The problem here is this poem has no real direction or intent. While one might have a great vocabulary, and it appears you do, it does not a great writer make.
You might want to reconsider this piece and subject it to a great deal of editing and rephrasing as well as question some of your word usuage.
Best wishes
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BonnieQ thanks for the professional input
I have veered into an interwoven topic, so I guess it could be too subtle for singularity likes. so much of the crux seen of happiness by an important loving influence compared to random flow of well do greeters even on children... paralleled for me the difference between any social benefit with people and stability with God for arrangements... or tighter but wider consciousness.
I moved with fluctuation as facial expression struggling between that awareness and weighed down.
I'm sorry it was too strident to meet you as a reader. I don't know how to revise it right now, since I enjoy it emotionally. if, as a work, the judge doesn't, I don't mind removing.
The rose could keep me clearest, but I don't understand miscolored sun faces almost etcetera for applaudable motive so I tried to have comments emptied of that,
called Carolyn
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Mother's heart
precious words. precious heart. I find myself holding them close in an effort to protect the expressions of such a Holy place.
This is beautifully written and expressed. Powerful.
Invokes powerful emotions in this reader. Don't worry, no distasteful hype..........reverence and respect.
Love and Peace to you,
thank you for sharing,
Annette -
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Annette, I edited my typo on your name; I'm glad to know it!
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Annette thank you for encircling my piece I handed
what a nice involvement noted. Your tug reminds me of how I took to a photograph with a woman feeling the knit jersey she put on a child that morning
so glad it isn't for a hanger of only hanker but regards can come back over with no pretend kiss. there is a sincerity that can continue sacred.
I am appreciatively thrilled with all your kind attention,
called Carolyn
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