Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Damages

It is not without affection that I curse my love for you.
A wrenching lie, a haunting winter's tale to tell that's true.
Wispy snowflakes fluff the air as your whispers cloud my vision.
A chill burns through me like your touch with professional precision.
Obsession turns to madness, a predictable transition.
Devouring my soul in stages before completing acquisition.
A naked tree stands vulnerable to this relentless holiday season.
As I equally feel threatened before you, layered in cloth for no reason.
I promised no more cutting, but one time recently slipped.
It was only a short slit that clotted and closed, rather than ripped.
Freezing rain slices through darkness like your razor tongue splits my heart.
A drenched and frozen half of a friend now finally broken and torn apart.
Spending all my time staggering along this ledge.
I compose and rehearse incessantly a private personal pledge.
Stinging wind whips violently while blistering my sandpaper skin.
And you, effortlessly causing comparable damage that erupts slowly from within.
It’s the carnal pleasures I enjoy when in your presence.
An animal that imagines savoring a taste of your vital essence.
The winter moon casts a curious shadow and you a wicked spell.
But even half a friend can keep a lie a secret, and never want to tell.


Author notes

Feeling chewed up then spit out by my beloved.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Midnight Breeze
    November 14
    Edit | Reply
    Nice! Thanks for entering!


  • lovlilmystery
    November 13
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Well written dark piece. Loved the use of words and how you captured ones' imagination. Thank you for the beautiful, but dark picture you have painted with you wording. Thank you for entering the contest. Take care and have a great day.

    Sandi

  • JToddUnderhill
    November 9

    Edit | Reply

    Nice....

    .... i am not one for cutting poem but this is OK. My favorite pairing

    "Obsession turns to madness, a predictable transition.
    Devouring my soul in stages before completing acquisition."

    I have been at this point and that is why cutting poems do not appeal to me normally.


  • SweetWhiskey
    October 20
    Edit | Reply
    good luck in the contest, well written i enjoyed reading it.


  • lesbian-in-love
    October 18

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good and very enjoyable to read. I liked it. This was well written. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.

  • thenorthernstar
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    Isn't love a bitter sweet rivalry at the root of it A terrible rivalry eachone trying to pull the other their way. this was great you really did wonderfully


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    "A drenched and frozen half of a friend now finally broken and torn apart.
    Spending all my time staggering along this ledge.
    I compose and rehearse incessantly a private personal pledge.
    Stinging wind whips violently while blistering my sandpaper skin." --- wonderful;


  • Night Terrors
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely dark write. Sometimes loving someone can be a truely thankless thing. I think this had some great imagery in it.


    The Positives:

    Wonderful imagery nice style and a great over all flow. I really liked it.

    The Negatives:

    Nothing that I see great job



    My Favorite Part:

    Devouring my soul in stages before completing acquisition.
    A naked tree stands vulnerable to this relentless holiday season.
    As I equally feel threatened before you, layered in cloth for no reason.
    I promised no more cutting, but one time recently slipped.
    It was only a short slit that clotted and closed, rather than ripped.
    Freezing rain slices through darkness like your razor tongue splits my heart.
    A drenched and frozen half of a friend now finally broken and torn apart.


    This was so well written it really spoke so much. This was amazing!


    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • Ami
    April 12

    Edit | Reply

    Loved this one..

    "Obsession turns to madness, a predictable transition.
    Devouring my soul in stages before completing acquisition.
    A naked tree stands vulnerable to this relentless holiday season.
    As I equally feel threatened before you, layered in cloth for no reason.
    I promised no more cutting, but one time recently slipped.
    It was only a short slit that clotted and closed, rather than ripped."

    That was my favorite part
    Great Write and
    Thank You for entering
    Good Luck
    -♥Amanda♥


  • Twilight4Eternity
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the win, keep up the good work.

  • Twilight4Eternity
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. I really like your style. I'm very into rhyme and you incorporated rhyme into this very well. The shape of the poem is a bit odd, perhaps lines could have been shortened to make it longer rather than wider. I loved the way you portrayed certain things. And the ending was quite memorable.

    Thank you very much for entering.


  • kishi-tenshi
    February 7
    Edit | Reply

    PERFECT


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    I love the the last line. Because of the secret lie stays a secret. When I tell my secrets I find out who is my friends and who is not. especially when they tell my secrets. This was very nice, and it was a pleasure to read.

  • hollyhocks
    February 7
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    Beautiful poem! not even sure how you could make it better?!


  • Captain Obvious
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this!
    my only suggestion would be to space it differently.
    it's great how it is, i just think that if you enjambed the lines, the poem could have a bigger impact.
    good luck! :]


  • nobumagawaX
    January 21

    Edit | Reply

    OMG!

    I think i just found another fav poet..you are realy good this is my fav so far. i wish i had your vocabulary..it would give me a more exspandeble choices for rimeing through things.
    hahahahahaha..thanks!!!!


  • paperbackwriter
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    love it


  • JustFallingApart
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, you did very well. Thank you for entering my contest, I think this is going to be a good one. I hope all is well


  • nobodys-girl
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    this seriously is just amazing... i loved reading it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck.


  • Rheea gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    astounding to me , sometimes I fool myself into thinking a few things I write are good. Then when I read things like this I am truly amazed at the emotion and what it took out of you to get this written. so creative such a picture you have given us.


  • ZachP gold member
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    Your first line is pure gold . . . dayyyyyum.

    Very vivid, and very haunting. I would not recommend couplets for a poem with a theme such as this, as rhyming couplets (and this goes back to Shakespeare's plays), tend to be used during humorous scenarios. Howeve, with such long lines, it works.

    My only recommendation is not capitalizing every line . . . that's my traditional saying; but as each line is an independant sentance, I suppose it's proper.

    Thanks for sharing, and Good Luck,
    Zach


  • chasing rainbows
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, but I really don't see how it fits the contest... could you explain?

    Thanks
    dh


  • januaryrain gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, full of emotion and pain. great imagery and rhyme.
    Thank you for entering my contest.
    Well done.


  • Fire Storm
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    secret emotions

    wow such passion of pain within these words, the descriptions paint the agony and discoloration that you face from within and with others, written with sharp imagry and flowing dispair, of the heart and mind ,,very very well written my friend,,,blessings of love,light,laughter and life...Firestorm


  • redhanded
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow. such a great write, full of emotions and wonderful imagry. thank you so much for entering this contest and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing,
    andi
    (redhanded)


  • Bohemianwriter
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh my god, have you copy righted (registered) these poems?????????????????????????????
    if u havent i'm really really really urging you to do so!!!
    cause this was just...wow i cant even explain!!!!
    if u dont know how you officially register a poem, plzz message me and i'll message bak explainin how!


    • gypsyfan
      December 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much. I needed that tonight. How do you officially register or copy write a poem. I'm interested. Thanks again.

1 - 27 of 27