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I'm in the Shadows

Here I am standing behind you.
A solid object of matter and particles
standing here in the clear view,
but I am never seen.


I'm watching you.
I observe your every move as I plan
your end.

I am the controller of your life.
The maker of your decisions,
and your personal guide of destruction.

You will never see me.
I am invisible,
an unimportant by-stander.
Someone you don't know
no one knows.

I am a shadow man.

Author notes

Option 4

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Loki silver member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    Most impressive for someone of your age. The thought behind this is deep and the word usage is good. You must tell your grammar teacher thank you from me. The only part that got me was the repetition of words throughout.

    For example:

    "I'm watching you.
    I watch your every move planning
    your end. "

    Notice that a form of watch is the second word in both the first and second line. I would suggest trying a thesaurus when you come to word repetition like this. You could use "see" in place of the second watch. Then it would read:

    "I'm watching you.
    I see your every move planning
    your end."

    The only other note on this part would be the last three words. I find myself wondering if your are watching these people as they plan their end, or if you are planning their end. Perhaps it could be:

    "I'm watching you.
    I see your every move as I plan
    your end."

    ~Or~

    "I'm watching you.
    I see your every move as you plan
    your end. "


    Either way, this is a great poem and I can't wait to see works from you in the future. Thank you for entering and best of luck!


    • Horrific Hollis
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I understand how the one part can be confusing. I'll try to fix that. I'm glad you liked it. ~Hollis


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is an amazingly strong write you have incredible talent
    thanks


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Spell check & grammar check! I noticed lots of errors in spelling, beginning with the one in the title. If your work is to be taken seriously by your reader, it has first to be taken seriously by you, the writer! Otherwise, I enjoyed the concept quite a bit. But seriously, correct the errors to be a contender!

    In any case, thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest