I stand within a lifetime, still hoping to believe
that Santa Claus is coming, this final Christmas Eve.
Whilst snowflakes swirl around me, I hum a well known tune
The sleigh bells are approaching, for he will be here soon.
The tree lights shift and shimmer but even they grow dim
Within the mists of magic, I hear a well known hymn
as Onward Christian Soldiers plays out within the field
Reality is speaking and to it I must yeald.
The battlefield is silent, I sigh and shake my head
whilst gazing all around me, I see that I am dead
yet in this death I'm smiling at such reality
for though I lie there bleeding,that person isn't me.
The reindeer are approaching, I climb upon the sleigh
I'm urging them to hurry, it's almost Christmas Day
the gift that I am giving is peace and love, no more
so please believe in Christmas and stop this bloody war.
Author notes
A Dying Soldiers Message POY
A contest entry
- Poem of the Year - POY - by Bear by Arkbear.
12500 points, ended January 1, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Well, you already know I like your writing - congrats on the trophy on this!
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Hello Ros ~
*grow dim
Within the *...is there a period missing, or did you CAP mistakingly?space after *bleeding that*
Ok...my take on this write.....I adore it.....but I do believe some commas would have brought more Power to this write ~
Your Tone is that of which garners much appreciation of time and patience......slooooow me down when you have so much greatness to write....I enjoyed this a lot......creativity is found all throughout this piece.....good luck and God bless Ros,
Bear ~
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Very touching. Nice flow and images in this - and a great message at Christmas-time - a time supposedly for peace, yet war still goes on and innocence still dies....
lovely entry - best wishes in the contest.
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I am developing a theme it seems of disagreeing with my fellow judges!
A very cliched titled is, for me, perfect here. It provides an excellent contrast with the content.
Your rhyme and flow are excellent as always, although maybe an abab rhyme scheme would have held the quatrains more closely together? You have a spelling error unfortunately and the contest rules do not allow you to correct it (yeald for yield).
A superb entry.
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Hi, and welcome to the POY
This is an amazing write, but the title just doesn't do it the justice it deserves. I adore your theme, and while I'm not usually fond of rhyme, your rhythm was bang-on. Well done, and good luck!
Laura
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Hi there and welcome to the POY another good write for this contest I would of loved to see a stronger title for this piece though. Remember no editing once a judge has commented
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I like the theme and i agree with islekine the title is way to cliche the message is powerful
~GOOD LUCK~
*Mystal* -
Beautiful Poem
Oh this poem captures the heart from beginning to end. Lovely heartfelt imagery and wonderful rhyme! . Take care, Sandy 
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I will be remiss if I don't
tell you...the title is way too cliche.....lol..
Thanks again for your entry! -
Aloha and welcome to POY
Personally this is one of my favorites...the message is one we can't repeat enough...IMHO...you have melded the Santa, the thought of faith, and the final message very well...Best wishes in the contest and Always!
Write on!
on earth
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented! -
Excellent
Expression here is great. Excellent message also. Don
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Oh, Ros, this is such a heartfelt poem. You express so well all the heart ache that comes with the tragedy of war in the season of love. I too hope this horrible war will end before it can cause more anguish and heartbreak.
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Beautiful for the most part but some lines can be broken up to make it easier for the reader. Good over all; keep on writing!
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I like the theme i love how the poems flows i like how it begins and ends
~GOOD LUCK~
*Mystal* -
wow
i liked it. it was like i could see the poem in my head. -
I really like the poem Ros. It is both well written and very smooth You did a great job with the rhyme as well. Good luck in the contest if I must loose it I wouldnt mind losing to a friend such as you.
But just for my conscience sake I have to disagree with the message. Christmas came late or early for alot of people because of this war. True some have paid dearly for it but 25 million people were given the gifts of freedom that they have never had before.
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done
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