.
and although my skin wasn't
yellow, and my hair fell
to my never-in-dresses
waist; i had those perfect
grades that most fathers
would be proud of
emphasis on 'most'
even a cartoon of an
unintelligent drunkard was
proud of his daughter
but no,
you weren't even
that much of a man
you already had performing
monkeys, and although their
ability to juggle was never
proven, dethroning those
metaphorical havens from guilt
was a task i found impossible
.
Author notes
Option 3: I used to watch The Simpsons and think "It would be nice to have a father like that: there" ...
A contest entry
- Fan fiction... & Co. by Dienush.
1000 points, ended February 17, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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awesome!
i like how you can make this such a serious poem but at the same time its about the simpsons. that is talent right there
"...dethroning those
metaphorical havens from guilt
was a task i found impossible"
i love that part.
and i really don't know what else to say or correct.
great write and good luck in the contest!
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I read the first line wondering whether "and though" or "although" would be a better opener,
but after saying it in my head multiple times
for each variation,
I think I like the original best - LMAO.
"dethroning those
metaphorical havens from guilt
was a task i found impossible"
Yesyesyesyesyesyes. I actually like the gerund for 'dethroning' and just, what a fucking great word altogether in its meaning & usage here. Love that this ends with 'impossible'; however, I didn't like the line break for the last line...I find it...well, I have strange taste in line breaks & it doesn't matter; you make good poetry possible.
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Jessica
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you are awesome
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I echo the same thought to you, with shocking sincerity.
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And you think THIS isn't good stylistically?
Well, think again, 'cause I love it. I love such indirect references to a show... This is very vivid and very real. I love the reality-cartoon parallel... The anger and disappointment shows through very well, without you quite stating it. "emphasis on 'most'" is a line I found extremely deep and saddening. It's wonderful like that, on its own. The last stanza was very full of Simpson-y imagery which was also a wonderful metaphor. It somewhat makes me think of Krusty, actually - he was the one who literally ignored his daughter for his circus business and the monkey.
I love the title, btw. I've always loved real names in poetry and as titles. There's something so specific, so personal to them, that seems random to an outside reader, when in fact it's anything but. I like this a whole lot. Thank you for entering.
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Yay!!!
Planning on extending contest, anyway
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Ahahahaha! I'll keep my eyes here
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