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Ascended Flickers

Delivered from a goddess of purified scent;

I was ascended up a pillar of carved masterpiece.

Touching the ignitable material, awaiting my sweet blaze,

scintillation flickers, burning bright, my light will be content.

 

Incandescence sparks, fly through the density of nightfall;

I am alive, lunar light reflects in my dance of hypnotization.

Pyre piles have tried to copy my attraction, my ride of flames,

summoned by a goddess, used as a beacon, where gods hear mortals call.

 

Zephyrs crash, like waves upon my blockade, eroding my little lighthouse.

False pretences of disappearing, sway and slither in the dusk,

lullabies linger, lasting in the serene setting, of a ritual done in righteousness.

Rhythmic raptures, warp around my glow, crushing and concealing with bouse .

 

Last sombre samba of my rotations’ and moves, pressure increases to an emergency,

fluent flavourings of swerves and stretches come to a finished termination.

Distant memories will spread and scatter, lasting only in the storybooks of fantasy,

adieu my mortals, blow spirals of wind my way, to help me to the next urgency.

Author notes

hope its ok
POY
Theme: The idea of a spirit or a guardian coming to a pillar candle and lighting it, and that candle being used as a guide to talk to the gods and goddess' then move on.

A contest entry

comment and I'll RTF.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Lady Altheia gold member
    January 15

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    Congrats on your honorable mention. I was in the same contest as well. I wouldn't have guessed your theme if you hadn't put it in the author notes. I think it is an interesting idea.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Unusual rhyme scheme and enjoyable flow here, I also enjoyed the content, great stuff

    Jeff


  • Arkbear gold member
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    If it does not hurt your format, would you mind enlarging the font for us?

     

    Thank you!

     

     


  • Arkbear gold member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello ~

     

     

    ***

    lullabies linger, lasting in the serene setting, of a ritual done in righteousness.

    Rhythmic raptures, warp around my glow, crushing and concealing with bouse .***

    Rich alliteration and penned so smoothly ~

     

    I do agree, al the info in your AN's is not needed.....just required info would have been fine........for me ~

    However.....I did not need the info to grasp this piece of art penned, so it did not bother me at all.......it's been a long day since I have read such a poetic voice.....you also have a gift of awareness and you have aways blessed my senses with your ability to move me throughout your writes ~

    I see some grammatical issues, as I have seen in so many other entries thus far....but this is the POY....I am not using a scoreboard to critique....I am here now to choose my fav.'s out of 49 entries......over-all....delicious imagery and tone......good luck.....God bless,

    Bear ~


  • Kinky Cuffs
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful. I truly loved this poem...It wa amazing.


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello, darlin', and welcome to the POY

    This is a lovely write, though I felt the explanations in the ANs took away from it a little. I like the idea of your theme, and I love the imagery; this is an intensely-visual piece that showcases your command of the English language. Very well done, and good luck!

    Love Lor-Lor

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there and welcome to the POY I did enjoy this write until I got to the authors notes and reading everything in there made my wonder quite a bit. But non the less nice write remember no editing once a judge has commented


  • islekine gold member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I realy love the theme...

    Your words are beautifully penned...I didn't need all the definitions...but looks like it helped some...so that's cool...I am only one judge...so be prepared! lol...
    Best wishes in the contest...and always.
    Write on and on!


    Remember: No editing once a judge has commented on your entry!


  • Zane Rose
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was going to mention that you should explain some of the words but I see you did that. This was very well written and the detail is wonderous. The theme is differnet than what I normally read here on AP. So cudos to you.
    Good job and keep up the great writing


  • firion
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok that was amazing. idk if it was the shear descriptive words in the poem or the cello's playing minor chords from my ipod that made it even more amazing. like my music just combined with the power of your words. whatever it was amazing piece


  • Stormy Days
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Theme=Good thnx for the deffinitions the whole poem is wonderful and well written
    ~GOOD LUCK~
    *Mystal*


  • poeticweaver gold member
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo Sis!

    I like the imagery here that captivates me once again, and how the use of verbage lets me ponder on a few different meanings..though the notes in your author's notes help so much! Thanks. Keep up the wonderful poetry sweet sis, and I really enjoyed this! Great job!


    Peace, Timothy aka, your brother, poeticweaver~


  • Rane
    December 20, 2008

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    Very cool, i see you did a slightly different theme than you had originally. Still unique and fantastical though. Man your vocabulary is so uber hehe.

    Interesting to see proper grammar layout too, will have to make a note of how you've done it for future refrence. I'm sure you'll do well. I love you.


  • ZachP silver member
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is absolutely beautiful, sweetheart. I'm sure you'll place well, lovely.

    Love, Zach


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesating write you have pieced and penned together here. I really love how you worded this poem and the over all depth and flow is amazing. I find myself re-reading this poem alot and allowing the over all poem absorb into me. any ways over all this is just another brilliant write from you and I really love what you did here. keep up the excellent work as always Me

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