For guilt
as yet unacknowledged
is the offering
held like a surreptitious secret in that palm
like oily money
like honey of discontent
poured into open hungry waiting mouths
which wait for succour
which wait for sweeter justice
but gorge at blood.
Liberty has not dabbled in blood
unless it be true
that death shall set you free.
A contest entry
- Bang Bang by lie.
650 points, ended December 20, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
enjoy
Comments
-
poor boy.... deserves an ovation
-
Freedom at any cost....
a wee bit of Yeats inside your gypsy soul .
Liberty and freedom........
we are free to take liberties....
and we are at liberty to try to be free....
but if we do the latter,
we can kiss our live goodbye....
and we will be all alone.
freedom is just another word for loneliness
or as the song says...just another word for nothin left to lose.
This is more powerful then anyone here will ever understand.
It is more powerful then any dream one can have on this earth.
Stunning lass.
This makes your comments on mine worth their weight in gold.
People say they want to be free...
but when they see a person who is...
it scares the hell out of them....
the truly free usually has their liberties and freedom taken from them...
they are better know to the establishment as trouble makers.
You are a great writer.
So glad we met lass.
Will be reading more.
Much love little gypsy,
Lowell. -
I think you have to at least read this poem to get its full meaning. Which is a nice thing to come across on this site.
I'm not sure if the ending really fits. I can't understand, really if you're implying that death doesn't see people free. Or if that some kind of death causes liberty.
Anyway, I really like the vocabulary of the piece and the metaphors you utilized. It gives this short piece a feeling of being robust.
I think you could have gone further with the first stanza. Expanding on the initial idea, but the poem is very good as is.
Thanks for entering.
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