The Thing I Could Not Say

Do you feel my flesh, feel my heat,
Whose only feeling was to cheat?
To cheat, to conquer, to gain... fame?
I have left your warmth for that distant shore,
My breath is cold, it breathes for you more,
How I covedeth you now with all my hearth.

Does my flesh draw you nigh?
Is it my mind that you treasure of high?
Oh, clever durst we now percieve,
My clever, clever little succubus.
Oh, how your movements tickle my flesh
And your words excite my being.
Your sadnesses are my grievances,
Your worries are mine to live through.
Tilt your head to mine o`er here,
I dare say, my soul bids me: I love you.

Words unspoken, but curses always heard.
When I said "Yes" to another, I meant "No"...
But I look to you... could eyes not find truth?
I fear your eyes - they see what others attribute to youth;
They see and see beyond... they see my core.

So others have mocked you, and called you "Whore."
But who am I to say?
Your flesh I never knew,
To yours, though, my spirit drew.
My eyes see, oh my dear...
And yours see mine... oh, my flesh did leer.

To you, oh beautiful and poisonous nightshade,
To you all of my orisons shall be paid.
Come this, come with me, in the shadows feel my heart.
I cannot speak, I cannot talk...
With you I cannot even dare to walk.

You know me, and I know you...
A bond between us God once drew.

I denied it once, I turned the other way...
As another's lips met your flesh... what could I say?
You looked at me with concern, and asked "Are you okay?"
With a false smile and a sudden turn,
I threw up an illusion with all ease,
Our friends burst with joy, but my change your eyes did seize.

In your heart you still knew:
I was hidding my love for you.

You draw away, to where I cannot follow.
You walk a friend, the footfalls sound increasingly hollow.
With another, you leave me with my own,
But as your path has come with trouble,
To me you turned and told your grumble.
To you I listened, though away, I fought through the muddle,
For you, my friend - to another you still belong.

To me I have friends and familiy and armies to hone,
While few are about you... but it is I who feel alone.
I will not give up - your heart I shall always treasure,
Even though you are far from me,
I glance up, phantom eyes I still see,
As I embrace you in friendship as a fare-to-thee...
And quickly I turn away...
A tear forms at my eye,
I can never say good-bye.
From you I distance myself - I shall not interfere.

When you asked me, I said "No,"
But in my heart,
Though I retain my silence,
I think your heart still knew...
I was in love with you...

So when I asked "Do you smile when you think of me?"
You know now what I truly wanted to say... what a mess!
...But you answered, and I cringed, "Yes!"

How can I live?
How can I give
My love to them
My heart is to your whim...
What would it take to leave him?

[No, that I cannot say! -
He's my friend that I will not betray!]
If I love him too...
How could I have you do...
Do that thing... the thing I want you to?

What foolish fiend am I!
Did I not say - then cast the die...
I melded you both together...
With a word, with a phrase - gone as a feather,
Softly did you blow away... into the wind forever.

If only then you knew...
That I was in love with you...
If only you knew...
I'm in love with you.