i.
your clumsily-created sandcastles are beginning to collapse, and the clear blue raindrops are dropping back into the sky. they look like tiny crystals that got lost on their way down to earth. it smells like the spring time, like one of those flower-scented candles that are a little too strong for my liking. it doesn’t smell like you, but i almost wish that it did. your hair is wet under my hands, but it’s still soft just like it always is. clean country melodies flow in the background and the taste of spring time on your tongue is gentle and comforting and made me happy to be here with you.
ii.
maybe it was those days with ben in texas where the heat was a little too much and the hills rolled from place to place that made me skeptical about trusting you and maybe life was a little easier back then before i met you and all your y’alls that you cleverly knew when to whisper just because they would make me melt. but being here with you these days are better now (we bicker more so i trust you more). “only time will tell,” you always sigh at me when i pester you for answers. only time will tell. but i’m tired of waiting for these sweet lullabies of care and i’m tired of waiting for them to finally wake me up.
iii.
you carry yourself confidently, like you can walk on your hands everywhere you go. and dearie never picked up on your games, not at all. she will never know where the truth ended and the ticklish lies began. and maybe these days you really can walk on your hands but that doesn’t make you better than the rest of us, or maybe it really does. “te quiero,” you always told me and i always believed you and your sorry attitude on those days were the trees danced in the sunsets and i missed my dad. so i hope you’re happy walking on your hands without me.
Author notes
12. country loving.
A contest entry
- A very easy contest!! trust me it'll be AWESUM!! by star girl.
600 points, ended January 9, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (Contest #193) Prompts contest by daviscth.
900 points, ended January 26, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I have officially fallen in love with your poetry
"your clumsily-created sandcastles are beginning to collapse, and the clear blue raindrops are dropping back into the sky."
These two lines captivated me from the very beginning and drew me deeper with every line. I just love your images and perspective on such simple things like rain, and how you can turn them into something beautiful with your words.
"clean country melodies flow in the background and the taste of spring time on your tongue is gentle and comforting and made me happy to be here with you."
Such a lightness with these lines and the feeling that everything is going to be okay, someway or another. I really liked those and I couldn't stop smiling as I read them
I love the repetition of "walking on your hands" throughout the last verse. The image is original and inspiring.
Simply put? This is beautiful
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Thank you for entering my contest. If you want to remove this poem and enter one with correct punctuation, feel free. This isn’t bad but it’s not what I asked for.
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a wonderful take on the promt good luck in the contest
maralisa
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I wondered if anyone would use this prompt. I really like the imagery in your piece. Thank you very much for the entry.
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Nicely written
It was very nicely written,it was a little different from what Im used to read, but it was pretty good.d
Thank you for entering..
Good luck!
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I WAS INTRIGUED
i like the first stanza well enough. great use of metaphors (hey look like tiny crystals that got lost on their way down to earth; like one of those flower-scented candles that are a little too strong for my liking) i absolutely love the second stanza my favorite part of this poem "but being here with you these days are better now (we bicker more so i trust you more). “only time will tell,” you always sigh at me when i pester you for answers. only time will tell"
>this part of the poem really hit home and i love how it sounds so personal. great job!
pbrown
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Thanks so much! :] Your comment really means a lot to me.
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'your clumsily-created sandcastles are beginning to collapse...'
Love that, and I can't even tell you why lol! It just sounds so cute and innocent!
'it smells like the spring time, like one of those flower-scented candles that are a little too strong for my liking. it doesn’t smell like you, but i almost wish that it did.'
I like this, too because it is such a vivid image, like I can smell each raindrop. Now, would'nt that confuse the senses!
And lastly, I love...
'but i’m tired of waiting for these sweet lullabies of care and i’m tired of waiting for them to finally wake me up.'
It is just awesome. Like you're sick of they're games.
Keep writing!
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this is really good
i love the last part
"“te quiero,” you always told me and i always believed you and your sorry attitude on those days were the trees danced in the sunsets and i missed my dad. so i hope you’re happy walking on your hands without me."
is amazing
i like this style, it really works for you <33 -
I enjoyed the division used to impart the differeing process at work within each stanza. I wish I could say that relationships get easier but they don't. It always seems to turn into a game of Stork and Ibis. I wonder if people who are like the handwalker ever realize that they are truly alone, or if they just drift from one time to the next.
Good write
Peace
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wow this is so beautiful it really moved me.the whole thing is magnificent from beginning to end .it feels free or i felt free while reading.im not sure why,i think just the way you write.i love it!
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Geez, this was marvelous, Ashley!
"it smells like the spring time, like one of those flower-scented candles that are a little too strong for my liking. it doesn’t smell like you, but i almost wish that it did."
^ Those are pretty much my favorite. I wish each raindrop smelled of a particular person. Like, you could send your scent across an ocean, or something. (Just so long as it's good.
)
This piece speaks to me so much. I'm so skeptical in trying anything... and sometimes pretty oblivious to some things.
I like how you compared confidence to walking on hands at the end of this. That's such an amazing simile.
Overall magnificence!
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THANKS!
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