Ten years on the sorry streets dying by degrees
faded like the night before and jeans with tattered knees.
A looker in her day - a lusty maiden fair
gone the laughing eyes in its place a hollow stare.
Older than her peers over time she's paid her dues
degraded and debased from years of self-abuse.
A come and fuck me smile with sweet seductive ways
livin' for the moment in a snowy whitened haze.
In the stillness of another night waiting for the dawn
she thinks about her mother and the folks she left behind.
She wishes, in her angst, she could turn her life around
get beyond the constant pain and learn to love again.
If she'd known in the beginning what she now knows in the end
she'd not have spent her life in vain fawning over men.
She might have been a kindred soul comforting the poor
instead she works for "sugarman" as many have before.
In the darkness that surrounds her she takes another pill
there's a chill that's in her bones that only some can feel.
Anxious for the time to pass as empty dreams unfold
she lights another cigarette and shivers in the cold.
A contest entry
- Unsung Prewrite Contest by Rashida.
700 points, ended June 8, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Brilliant portrayal of life on the streets...
I did so enjoy the unfurling story of your piece it was intelligently written with much forethought & execution... Kudos for an excellent write, dear poet... 'd'(david)
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Ah...tragic and poignant, a melancholy but beautiful poem.
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Beautiful, you given a wonderful picture of this woman looking at the failures of
her own life. The longing to be back with the warmth and security of family.
The inner chill of a life with too many mistakes and attempts to try to get warm.
I sometimes realize thru celebrities or family photos you are able to look
at the complete package of someone's life....you can see their human
mistakes that sometimes leave scars that last an entire lifetime.
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Moving
I get the feeling that you wrote this poem from personal experience. Loved it and felt the dread that you imparted about the seemingly inevitable.
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Wow! This speaks volumes. Sad picture, well painted. Certainly most deserving of the Silver. Wonderful poetry.
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Very good
I would have stuck in a few commas, but evidently most people just read and determine the beats for themselves. It is a wonderfully writ, truthful and sad story. Thee particular sadness is not that she did stupid things when young: it is that the stupid thing she chose, unlike say car-stealing, turned out to be almost impossible to stop. Well done.
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Sad but true of many today
It's not a way of life most would choose. Some drift into it, others are driven to it by a need for drugs etc. I guess we shouldn't judge unless we've walked in their shoes.
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good poem, excellent actually. I love reading your work.
I especially loved the ending that you put on each of your poems. They always seem to leave the reader wanting to read more. Good job, poet!
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Wow...excellent rhyming and meter here. Wonderful construction ~ the picture of this woman is revealed cleverly and slowly as the lines move into one another with ease. I like the very powerful first line.
That's it ~ I'm adding you to my favourites list!
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Fabulous, what an excellent painting of life for so many women. I loved every moment of it, the concise language, the excellent spelling and grammar, the deftly spun phrases, brava!
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This is beautifully written. I love the third stanza, the rhyming is so well done that I didn't even realize it was rhyme till the very end.
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A gritty depiction of reality for many. I grew up on the streets and know this woman and others like her. A bit of sad truth. Very good write!
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an all too sad and timeless situation you illuminate for us here.
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very strong
you describe the tragic figure well. this appears to be an excellant song. i see your talent and i see your ability. if you haven't already, put it to music and sing to the grass as it is growing with your instrument.
you are a strong wordsmith and i am highly impressed as i too write for various strings.
well done.
all the best,
kevin o'connor/ui'connabhair
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So vivid, I can see her there, with shaking hands, lighting that cigarette. I dont know how I missed this one until now. Everyone of us sees a little bit of ourselves in this girl.
I love the easy rhyme that you captured in this, totally unforced. One of your very best, so descriptive...you must be one of those people who observe others in their true colors. Love it!
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weeel done
i know the girl, i know the look-the full slit fuck-me dress and you can't shake what your seein'. interesting rhyme scheme with alternate stutter-clever. it adds to the ambivilance of the confusingly bad choices that young people can and always seem to make. as john prine would say of this soon overdose situation,"climbin'walls while sittin' in a chair", (sam stone).
well done and many golds to you.
kevin o'connor/ui'connabhair -
A well written poem on a subject that covers every society. Beautifuly written with all the emotion that one would expect to come from such a piece. Well done indeed.
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Oh. This is a sad little poem that you have written in here. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be a prostitute and have to live that kind of life day in and day out. It must be very sad. And that's just the way that you've painted her picture here. I thougth you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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excellent
"............Ten years on the sorry streets dying by degrees......."
i knew i was in for a superb piece of work by the opening line
the sorry streets.....get outta here
do you know what it is to capture someone's interest by the first line
excellent -
My gast has...
...never been so flabbered that the other readers haven't commented on, or asked you why you rhyme (sort of ) verses 1 and 2, and the last, and not the others?
Robin. -
A well-executed write, very sensitive, poignant and full of pathos..... capable of evoking a certain level of compassion in the human heart.......
.....God bless ..... -
Rather heartbreaaking to read this one David, sadly all too true for some. Well constructed and presented as usual. Great write.
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