Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Dry

Perhaps a flask too narrow?

Per diem issue of
clarity, warmth, mellow jocundity
consumed
to fortify aptitude with attitude,
generously gifted
other men’s children
with education's enlightenment.


Darkling dregs
reach hangover at home,
pretense passe.
Little ears strain,
threshold thunder
dictates silent scatter;
easy entry,
tentative greeting.


Odd thought
(a lifetime later),
acknowledgment, encouragement,
would have been given freely
as my due,
had I been


another’s child.








A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards! Unfortunately, hindsight and retrospect are no comfort for loss, for a spirit unloved or ignored will weep endlessly for its losses. A beautifully written piece hun, loved it! Hugs, Bunny


  • Desire gold member
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent~

    This tugs at Spirit and emotions also images could be seen in addition to felt~
    Powerful take on prompt~
    tugs at Heartstrings~
    Love the lines:
    Odd thought
    (a lifetime later),

    I'm reminded of after the fact- after the even- when the reflection comes and at times the clarity of missing pieces with the what if's~what could have beens compared to what it is now
    Gosh I went backwards in time
    Bravo!
    Appreciate Your visit to my work
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    December 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent entry. Such a lesson is one taught only by wisdom and grace...and unfortunately often only in retrospect. The contrast you have made is poignant and the conclusion a perfect answer to the initial question. About that initial question, I love the openness. I found myself wondering if you meant "too narrow to pour out" or "too narrow to receive." And actually, it works out to mean both, depending on which players you are assessing. The dregs perhaps had their own issues causing them to be so bitter and unaffectionate (too narrow to pour out) and the child had not the capacity at that time to understand what she was worthy of all along (too narrow to receive), and thus likely grew to adulthood with corresponding issues. Anyway, I'm just thinking outloud...or on screen... but I like the way this poem makes me reflect and be reminded of this particular sort of truth.

    "threshhold thunder" and "silent scatter"---just amazing sound and imagery.

    Excellent lesson.