The threads of night
Windows of life
With parted gates
Near doubled lakes
Originates
Thy lovely song of green
And hark thy bird it beckons me
To hide thy five so delicately
Within my rock of one
So that I may take
Thy only strength
Within my virgin dove
And then by sway
I take away
The seal of our distortion
And with this break
Your world ill paint
By red and its devotion
Then hold fast on sirens last
Our souls are lost in sea
But look towards hope each other's skies
The panes of which the only lie
For ecstacy of single ring is bliss
Author notes
Option C-F young love
A contest entry
- Pre-write Contest: Love Poetry by Nicole Hanna.
15000 points, ended January 28, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everything for Everyone by Ignis Corpus.
550 points, ended January 16, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Amazing. This is truely amazing, but your puncuation is needed for this. Also, you don't have to capitalize every line. That's a common mistake that I use to even make. Good poem though, I love how you used old english, I love when poem are written like that. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Ignis Corpus -
This is an absolutely beautiful poem. Although I'm not normally a fan of rhyming, I found this flowed very well. I cannot offer anything but my thoughts:
I think in the lines:
And hark thy bird it beckons me
to hide thy five so delicate
you should add [ly] so that it keeps the
rhyme. It reads better and sounds better.
Best of luck in the contest.
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Oh thanks for pointing that out. It was actually that way when I first wrote it down on paper.Must have been lost in translation.
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Oh, that's absolutely fine.
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Beautiful poem
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I would think, in the last stanza, "each others" needs a space, and "other's" needs an apostrophe to denote owndership of skys, which is also spelled wrong and should be "skies". Unless of course, there are some cultural language issues I'm unaware of that state its otherwise acceptable. But, seriously, it has a nice ring to it. I can dig it. Thanks for entering.
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Oh sorry Im terrible with grammar and spelling but thanks for pointing out the problems.
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