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Drown with Me!

True as the ocean waves of love
Eulogize my enlivened  corpse, over-swimming
Entrench me; Drench me, my dove
Chocolate candy kisses, sinning
Elated by elegant peddle puckers above
Drowning can be winning!

A contest entry

Please use constructive criticism!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Harrisham Minhas
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry that you couldn't be back to rectify your poem.
    I will check it again immediately before I judge this contest, just in case you have corrected it.
    Thanks for entering.

  • Harrisham Minhas
    December 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A correction in:

    "Entrench me; Drench me, my dove
    Chocolate candy kisses, sinning"

    As entrench ends with "h", the next line should start with a word beginning with "h".

    Please rectify it.