Pain
cannot
be erased
with a single
waving of a hand.
Rotting, settling deep
within the core of the heart
until it bores holes to your soul,
pain imprisons your mind ruthlessly
leaving you defenseless against yourself.
~
Obscured in darkness, festering blindly,
reaching outward for signs of living
in a world filled with decayed rot;
soft whispers enter your head
and hands lay upon you.
As ache peels away
you recognize,
at long last,
there is
hope.
In a list
A contest entry
- big bang prewrites only contest by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 5, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4 making me who I am... by little-hug.
744 points, ended January 7, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Crawling out of the nightmare I've become by CrystalLizard.
1000 points, ended June 11, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Oooh, very nice. Form poetry often feels forced as language is bent to fit a mold, but yours is very natual and stands on its own without the visual effect. I love the gradient effect—it started in darkness and emerged in light. Thank you for entering, and good luck.
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wonderful write - enjoyed reading it. thanks for sharing.
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very impressive
i like how you were able to mold your poem into the shape but still keep it sounding so
really and nice
like you never let go of your voice and that is a good thing
<33 -
love this style of this! its so kewl! great write!
thanks for enterin my contest and good luck,
~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~
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I really like this poem and the quite unique format!
Thanks for entering!
Love, Raneika
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You kept to the form, I am impressed. Good job. I thought that some of the word choices weren't exactly best, but other than that, I liked this. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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I like how it gos from happy to sad to happy a again from light to dark to light an interesting peace that is well written
~GOOD LUCK~
*Dark Poet* -
wow, what a wonderful poem, both in form and content ! truly brilliant, wonderful metaphor and imagery and much, much light ...
heartfelt congratulations on the bronze,
much love,
maa
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Wow, that is a very impressive form poem. Very deep and stirring too. I love the journey within this poem, how you take us all the way from pain to hope. Stunning. Thank you for entering my contest!
Ellie
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This is a brilliant poem.
This would stand up there with Poe, Longfellow, and the rest. Absolutely Brilliant!!! -
This is a brilliant poem.
This would stand up there with Poe, Longfellow, and the rest. Absolutely Brilliant!!! -
This is a brilliant poem.
This would stand up there with Poe, Longfellow, and the rest. Absolutely Brilliant!!!
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what ever you call it -
I like it and enjoyed the reading of this cute number...mac
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wowie great job... loved it.
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Excellent poem. And it's well formed.
I'm usually not one for form, but this was well done.
"pain imprisons your mind ruthlessly
leaving you defenseless against yourself."
I like this line. It's a struggle against yourself.
The ending is very warm.
Good luck and thanks for entering my contest. -
This addresses several different varieties of pain. Rotting, heart and soul-piercing, invasive, imprisoning, obscured. And the hope that soft whispers and gentle hands can bring, even when the end is not yet clearly visible. Highly descriptive "leaving you defenseless against yourself." You describe a terrifying place, yet hang a lamp at the end to lead us out.
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An excellent double etheree! Many times I get out of flow when i read these, but not this one!
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Excellent Form!
And the words flow wonderfully while reading!
Great works, and I thank you for sharing here!
Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~
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I think this is well done for form, I will be honest though I tend towards non-form pieces. LOL
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I love the Etheree but few poets can compose them well. This is not only perfect in structure and symmetry but it has a strong message and is filled with imagery. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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I love this poem
This poem is so real and hits home for me, no matter how much pain we endure, life is like Pandora's box, there is always hope. And I love the form something new for me.
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Excellent poem...truly does show strong emotions within your words. Sometimes we do have to endure the anguish of pain before we can even start to find hope. Excellent job.
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such a wonderful write, the form is fantastic, it holds such truth and inspiration, there is always hope no matter how bad things are and whilst you can realise that than things are not as bad as they seem. flows wonderfully, a great piece
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So much pain but with a ray of hope at the end, beautifully done and the form is wonderful.
Very Nice Love....Best wishes in the contest
Don
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I think this is great. It speaks of real pain not holding anything back and yet ends with that great and powerful word, "hope." You don't mince words in expressing pain and yet the whole piece is very encouraging.
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