I'm feeling bad, so let's skip the introduction;
The only ones who stay are always the cheaters.
Working hard only gets you paper cuts,
And you never do have time to watch the bird feeders.
The night you really need to hear their voices,
Your best friends always forget to call.
No matter how straight you sit in your chair,
Everyone seems to be standing tall.
You do your best on the shots you miss,
And you only give up on a genuine chance.
Life's not a race, it's not about effort;
You can run just as fast and just not advance.
So I guess it's a good thing that I have someone to lie to me,
To take me in from the storm and tell me how great it's going to be,
To somehow make me believe
That somewhere in me,
There's a beauty to life.
You have made me wonder if it is really just lies.
Author notes
I don't know if this is the conclusion you're looking for, but it's what I came up with.
A contest entry
- Lie To Me by vampedvixen.
550 points, ended January 14, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Ah. Well, um, yes. So.
Comments
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It is. Your rhyme scheme comes across as simplistic, but it seems to work on a different level. I'm not sure how to describe it, but whatever it is...it's working.
How do you feel about the last line without "Somehow"? I think it works either way, but that sort of editing is a good way to discover the hidden potential some of our work carries.
Blessings,
C
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I've always worked for power in my poems, so if the rhyme scheme helped that in any way, that's what I was going for.
Wow, Demington. That's really helpful. It went from the speaker talking about just anyone to the speaker addressing the reader. Very sudden, very direct. I love it. Thank you.
Wishing you well,
N
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i can only say this is something i mean it is good, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest, my friend.
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Thanks. I think this is one of those poems that just is.
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