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Into the blue Ocean

whats to become of me,
i'll never know.
whats to shine within me
only the tears of love
will be known.

i wonder if we will
be together at the end,
just like in a fairly-tale
when they find  their loving
and caring prince.

will that become of me
will your love shine to me?
will your pain be the only trusting
find that will be giving to me?


i won't hide away,
i have been looking for you all
along
the personal connection
that we have that fuels
our love.

Don't turn away
and say goodbye..
all i ever wanted
i know now its
been hiding, revealing,

dazzling
in your deep ocean blue eyes.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    In the 4th stanza, 1st line, should "hid" be "hide" ? And I think "wont" should be "won't ".

    Other than that, this is a terrific write! Great take on the prompt. Good luck and thanks for entering the contest


  • Temptation.
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    aw. this is sweet. you have a few errors tho that you might want to fix, i know some people count that against when they judge. but thanks for entering and good luck.


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is very meaningful and all about love but that of a different kind to what I was looking for. Thanks for your time and words. Much love and light, Lavender Butterfly... x


  • trekkergirl
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    okay first off... spell check is your friend. I do love the background. This is one of my favorite of the free backgrounds. I usually use it to show a stormy relationship, feelings, something in turmoil. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into this contest.


  • reckless abandon
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wish you would work on checking over this a bit more, there were a few mistakes. I think this could be something good it jsut needs more time. Thanks for sharing.


  • XxYoru-OkamixX
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow. that's really nice. congrats ^^


  • hyper thing
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dang another good one i loved this it was completly superb

    keep it up

    daniel ploss

1 - 7 of 7