I
It's most likely necessary
For me, I, to fail
At the very least flail
To stoop low, nostrils to the ground,
Before an inexperienced swoop
Spreading weak wings.
They like seeing the process
The nakedness the wetness
Embryo, Baby
Reminder of themselves
Nurturing Duty, ability
'Come Away o Human Child'
II
Stretching, Growing Pains
Seemingly Doubling in Size I,
Hear the comments
'We must stick some heavy books
On your head to stop you growing -
or stop feeding you'
Adolescent immatureness bumping
Groping in the dark
To find pieces that fit
There is a danger you might stray
Emulate or worse
'To the water and the wild'
III
It has to be like this
Underwear before hat
Don’t Run, Pull up
Before anything like that
Then you are a hero
an oak grown that will die
into the ground every
now and again there is a
(buachpointe fuinnemhacha seachnaíteacht)
trick
that turns heads
Like Diarmuid's Barrel.
Author notes
Some Translations and Useful Background.
buachpointe fuinnemhacha seachnaíteacht -Gaelic for (loosely) "separated pivot of energetic change"
Diarmuid's Barrel - Diarmuid or Dermott from the Celtic story of "The Persuit of Dermott and Grainne" Dermott used a barrel to bowl over the mercenaries hired to kill him.
Theme?; Well overall it relates to the growth of a person in life or as a poet.
A contest entry
- I Just Want Something Good by reckless abandon.
550 points, ended December 25, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites & I don't want crap by Ryno.
400 points, ended January 5, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #39 THEME CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
700 points, ended January 2, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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My best tip would be to work on your ending... personally, I feel a piece should be able to stand on its own without the reader needing translations/explanations, it takes away from the piece, especially at the end, to have to have two of the phrases explained... it just doesn't make it as strong because that eureka moment doesn't come in.
I loved some of the metaphors/similes in this piece... they were really strong and really conveyed a strong emotion and theme. I can relate to this piece so much... trying to find ourselves, who we are, where we want to go.
Overall, I really liked the tone of this piece... it felt so realistic and portrayed a great atmosphere of the write...
Thanks for the entry. -
i love how you decorated this process with these intriguing metaphors
thanks for sharing and have a blessed 2009
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I think the wording of this poem was simply wonderful. There was a flow that seemed to hit a stop every now and then at teh end of sentences, but its good like that. maybe its just the way i read it. I like the way it was layed out and the way everything was described. Overall a very well written piece of work. I decided to comment back after you commented mine as its polite to do so, but i am glad i did ^^ nice write =)
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Intimidatingly excellant.And thanks for the ditch comment..I wasn't aware of a film..but there you go..the universallness of poetry
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