All I had was my loving thoughts
reflected in my silence
Sarah’s angelical existence apparent
needed not to be feigned
Through her short life came strength
surely the envy of any army
So gracious, yet so unaware
of her natural resplendence
Your memories remain ingrained
for now heaven is a richer place XXX
Author notes
Options 7: Re-writing
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4476773
RIP LOVE SARAH AGED 33 X
A contest entry
- Huge points, huge options (Now with a free membership!) by Meroza.
16000 points, ended January 5, 115 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow, so much more concise and clear than the original. Well penned.
Buddy
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best line here is, "Through her short life came strength
surely the envy of any army"
What a lovely tribute to an obviously beautiful person. Congratulations on this trophy Kevin.
Paul
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The re-writing is exactly what I looked for, you took it perfectly. I am truly sorry about your loss, and I am glad to see you are taking it so well, not blaming Sarah for leaving her loved ones behind. Well written.
Thank you for sharing this and best of luck
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Thank you for your kind comments. Looking back, with the re-writing of this poem, I can see how my writing has improved with the help of AP. Once again, thanks for your kind comments.
kevin x
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this is beautiful.
sarah was clearly a wonderful woman, and you reflect that perfectly in this poem. you've put a lot of thought and emotion into this connecting with the reader.
thank you, i truly enjoyed reading this! excellent write.
ElectricBloom
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