As we wake from our sated slumber,
we see that we’re being watched by numbers.
People gawking, pointing to stare.
Looking down I realize we’re both bare.
Memories flood back, from the night before.
I remember thinking, there could be more.
Cuddled, within your arms I’ve lain.
My body aching from pleasurable pain.
The night before is suddenly clear,
it was a party for someone, we held dear.
As normal when we get together, sometimes.
One of us ends up with a hefty fine.
Looking around to see if the coast is clear.
I see the policeman coming, he’s getting near.
I groan aloud ,and try to get dressed.
Yet, against my body your hard cocks again pressed.
You slip inside me, before he starts to speak.
But what can I say, my legs have gone weak.
Your hand reaches around, and pinches a nipple.
The crowd starts snickering, there’s quite a ripple.
‘A public park is not for this kind of play,
motels over the road, that’s where you should stay”
I replied so sweetly, you should have been there.
The officer opened his book, said “I really don’t care.”
The little things you say and do, that really make me, want you.
Sex in public, or the great outdoors, you know I love it all too.
Now it’s too late, we’re in trouble deep.
This cop writing a ticket and it won’t be cheap!
Indecent exposure, is what he is citing.
What can I say, but that’s still exciting.
You wriggle again, moving real slow.
You’re happy to be giving, them all a show.
The officer in question, is telling people to move.
You’re moving quicker. its all in the groove.
Being ready to blow, your thrusts get quick.
I think we’ll both end up in the nick.
The officer is back and readying the cuffs.
Telling us now, "enough is enough."
With one last thrust, you let out a groan.
I enjoyed it so much, I started to moan!
Now,we’re shoved into the small backseat,
this sort of drive really isn’t so neat.
The headlines read, 'guilty' in the paper, next day.
With pictures, for proof, what could we say!
We’re famous now, in our local town.
Many families point, and there's parents who frown.
I must admit that, I’d do it again.
But it wont happen soon, we have to refrain…
A contest entry
- The Grand Champion Challenge 2 by Master Ktulu.
1400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
I loved this story. Well done on being so funny and imaginative. I could see the whole thing unfolding and it was so funny when you were taken away! Enjoyed this immensely.
-
Normally I do not allow editing to be done once it has been reviewed and scored. However, because I did not state that in the rules, I will allow it and rescore this as it currently stands.
spelling and grammar = 16
In the beginning you have punctuation but as you read on it seems to disapate. What happened?
originality = 20
how well you handled the challenge = 20
presentation = 20
your lines all begin with a capital. That is one thing that I feel ruins any write unless it is a form that calls for it.
overall = 18
Total= 94
**Master Ktulu** -
Same as shimmer I won't deduct points for removing the background, as the no editing rule that is normally stated was not there.
Anyhow to the write itself, oh god I can relate to this one - no I am not going to expand on that. The story is a good one and yes it is a mortifying embarrassing situation to be in. Whilst I personally don't find it a funny situation I can see the humour of it. I have to thank you for making this a tough task for me.
The flow of the poem is a bit stilted but some grammar editing should clear that. The story is detailed and erotic, one can feel the heat of the moment.
presentation=19.5 left alignment would better suit this piece
spelling/grammar=18
how well you handled the challenge=20
originality=20
how well you handled the challenge=20 for making the task a tough cookie
grab me=18 its a difficult one this as I don't want to let personal feelings on the situation interfere, so based on the flow and readability
overall=18
total=96
-
while i do love the story i found a few bumpy places that distracted a bit from the reading.
when i first read this i noticed that you did have a border but i see that you have removed it and because it wasn't written in the rules that no changes could be made after posting, unusual for the rule not be stated, i will not deduct any points from this for that reason.
presentation=20
spelling/grammar=18 the bumpy places i found and also for the cap of every sentence.
how well you handled the challenge=20
originality=20
how well you handled the challenge=20 *please note this was a stuggle for me to put because you did go back and reworked this piece*
grab me=20
overall=19
total=97 -
Good story, I love it. Your naughty writes are always sooo good. You're such an exhibitionist, ha, I mean that in a good way. Indecent Exposure! Wish I'd been there to see it. Good rhyming couplets!!! Good luck in the challange.
-
On a whole, this story is good. I liked the story line and to me it is rather humorous, well done. However there are quite a few things that need a bit more attention to detail.
spelling and grammar = 16
In the beginning you have punctuation but as you read on it seems to disapate. What happened?
originality = 20
how well you handled the challenge = 20
presentation = 10
There is a big drop here, for 2 reasons. The first is your background. Yes it's pretty but it should be plain, as stated in the rules.
The second, is your lines all begin with a capital. That is one thing that I feel ruins any write unless it is a form that calls for it.
overall = 18
Total= 84
**Master Ktulu** -
LMAO
This is awesome my sweets. I loved this piece It's funny as! Well done and good luck to you in the contest.
Countrybabe
-
LOL.... I have to say that so far this is one of the more humorous ones I have seen.... lol
Spelling/grammar = 15 - you need to tighten this great piece of work up and look at it through an editor's eyes. There is little punctuation and capitals on each line leave a reader looking for the endings and beginnings of sentences.
Originality = 20 - this is a great piece for humor and fun along with originality. Writing about things that are not truly socially acceptable with humor is a great thing.
How well you handled the challenge - 14 - you did very well at the line limit but I am taking six points for the simple reason of the border. There were two rules. 1. No more than 50 lines and 2. Plain background.
Presentation = 16 - The background is wrong and the lack of punctuation are the causes.
Overall = 18 - I love the words and imagery but this piece needs to be worked on extensively.
Total = 83
-
A very sensual daring escapade...The exitement i coud feee till you gto cited. Ilved your imagery of words. They flowed nicely as you told your story.
return the favor?
-
my mind just went after reading this, that is all i can say at the moment, but keep it flowing and good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
