I don’t know how this sunken place came to be,
who dug it,
or with what sundry tools—
Was I there when chunks of me
were tossed aside
to crumble in random disarray?
But I do know how one vibration of your voice
(distinct and piercing)
can collapse my heart upon itself
‘til loose debris rushes down its slopes
filling hollow
with hill.
And I can feel your resounding echo
(though growing ever softer)
surrounding me in measured healing.
In a list
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A contest entry
- Lessons Learned by Cupcrazy.
1000 points, ended January 10, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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It's an intriguing poem because it seems to suggest for most of the poem, a sense of loss, of being discarded:
"Was I there when chunks of me
were tossed aside
to crumble in random disarray?"
Beyond discarded, even a sense of being dislocated.
The second section seems to re-inforce that theme,
"(distinct and piercing)
can collapse my heart upon itself"
The last three lines seems to herald a change. This resounding echo...the piercing voice...now seems to bring about a healing...
I can only imagine that what is healing the speaker is the departure of the voice, the catalyst for all this sorrow, but I have a feeling that isn't your intention.
Maybe it's in that collapse in line 9. I read it as a negative thing, and maybe it wasn't. In fact, lines 11-12 support that possibility,
"filling hollow
with hill"
That's the thing with poetry, with communication. one word, one differing meaning can send an annoying AllPoetry fellow down a long, prolix coomment.
Thanks for letting me stop by and over-analyze your delightful poem.
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Congratulations on winning the gold trophy. Your metaphors were interesting and vivid. Thank you for sharing your poetry with me.
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Oh my Lord, this is beauty personified. Your talent is boundless. Can't wait to read that book your sure to write. Let me know.
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Ahhh Ten as usual your piece is just so poetically beautiful. It has such a timeless quality to it. Kind of crawls inside you and warms from the inside out. Beautifully written with excellent use of metaphor and emotion. I adored it ! Thank you for entering it here. hugs, Bunny
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This poem can only cause smiles. The two last stanzas have such solid and yet dreamlike imageries.
Simply lovely
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Excellent~
Love how You have taken the prompt and brought forth imagery through Your weaving of words~ with the title being an Avalanche- and the ending measured healing
Bravo!
I Appreciate Your visit to my work
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes in the contest too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Such a poem of heart holding close forever to love, so real, and of course you would write us such a lesson...
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Excellent title, grabs interest immediately. Poignant "was I there when chunks of me were tossed aside?"
Lovely "I can feel your resounding echo...surrounding me in measured healing.
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Whoa! That was great
At first I thought you were reading my wordless thoughts, as I contemplated my miserable 'Married Life...Then I saw the 'healing & knew it wasn't meant for me.
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Oh as usual, this is just superb. You choose your words so well to create the greatest imagery.
Best wishes in the contest.
Gaylene
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