we approached the rough hulk of carpentry in the snow
as if it were a shipwreck in the frozen rocks of the Icelandic shore-
the boom truck's diesel motor chuggin' like a tug-boat
coughing up black phlegm and spitting it in the air
the sleepy silent ride arrived at its destination...
Robert stepped down from his truck as discreetly as a bobcat in the snow
methodically
deliberately
he undid the load and climbed up the ladder
through the flurries
to his seat and the controls
on this truly black and white day
only the dirty sepia roadside
and glints of burnt khaki through the veiled spruce-woods
betray any hint of colour
I watched him on his perch
hoary beard
granite countenance
as grave as a patriarch of the eagles
Author notes
...delivering lumber with Monsieur Pagé.
In a list
A contest entry
- anti-dreams by unraveled.
750 points, ended December 18, 2008, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Love the wording of this piece. Once could almost sense the feeling as this gentleman delivers his load in such a cool inviroment. "Robert stepped from the truck as discreetly as a bobcat in the snow' What a wonderful line. That soft paw touching the cold snow, almost silent. Just fantastic. I congratulate you on your silver trophy.
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Thank 'ee kindly!
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The scene here is so vivid and the way you characterized Bob through his actions and carriage was second to none. This is fine poetry, no doubt! The colors... wow. "patriarch of eagles"--stellar!!!
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Thank you kindly!
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Great imagery, the atmosphere is evoked with masterly strokes.
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sigh. love the imagery, the carefully placed words the juxtaposition of snow against the black of the smoke, the work. love it!
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This was very well written. I like the description of the lumber truck arriving at its destination and all the emotions it brought with it. coughing up black phlegm and spitting it into the air. That was an excellent line and a great description of the smoke stack puffing. You made this piece sound very cold, yet very hardworking. Robert stepping down from the truck....his description was just wonderful. This was just a magnifiscent piece of work with top flow. Congrats, mate on the trophy. A brilliant write if i may say so.
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Thanks for the kind words!
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really cool!
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this is such a great piece, really. i'm glad that you took such a creative outlook on reality- it is the mark of a true poet when your process daily events with the mind of a writer.
i liked these lines a lot:
"the sleepy silent ride arrived at its destination" - not sure why, maybe the articulation stood out to me."glints of burnt khaki through the veiled spruce-woods betray any hint of colour"
and that ending, wow!
thank you for entering
cassidy
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Neat...
Such a poetic portrayal of these moments that you are able to bring something seemingly ordinary to the point of being fascinating. Especially liked the colouration used, the simile of black phlegm for the smoke, the burnt khaki, you use colour with artistry. Also liked the granite countenance.Wonderful imagery throughout.
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patriarch of the eagles
from the particular to the infinite
thanks for the ride!
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hoary beard...
i loved this
i wanna go do this with Monsieur Page' too
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Damn this is awesome, I felt like i was there watching this scene. I dips me lid to you for this
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