I sat still and stared at death,
its evil black granule
appearing on transparent x-ray film;
knowing that it will suck out my life
with no concern or compassion
as it uses me up as its host;
I am numb
At home, decorations are sitting all over
spreading into pathways,
they seem to have lost their meaning
now that the joy of the season
has been stolen in shock.
Outside, snowflakes are melting
into nothingness,
lights are twinkling up and down the highway,
and my mind is singing its own carol
Merry Fucking Christmas.
Author notes
too numb....
3.10.09 - I got told, the week before xmas, that I have a terminal cancer....
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wow, what a powerful write...I first thought I could relate to your piece, then many of my xmases have been awful and I spend them in a numb letargic way with tears flowing down my cheeks...but after reading your AN I cant even compare to what you are feeling at the moment...
"Outside, snowflakes are melting
into nothingness,
lights are twinkling up and down the highway,
and my mind is singing its own carol
Merry Fucking Christmas."
I really liked this part the best, it is what I see when I think of christmas...great imagery...
take care
Suza
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Thank you so much Suza for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
best wishes
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Wow so much emotion. This poem was fantastic, and I'm sorry about what you must be going through I can't even begin to relate.
Best of wishes
<3karebear<3
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A good vent
I am sorry about the diagnosis. What a terrible thing to face. Your "vent" poem is very good. Such depth of feeling.
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thank you so much for reading/commenting Pogo7747....
yeah, not the best of times right now - I'm doing ok, though, considering.....am here longer than what they said (of course, I refused the 'pallative' chemo - I think that made a difference for me....
best wishes
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wow,
very sad.
definately emotion... and great write. but wholly effmuffins :/ sad
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thank you so much for reading and commenting Xxpoison.kissesxX
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my husband has we will fight until we can not. Loss deal the cards throw them in the air who is next whose child ? Shock waves keep coming I feel them, it is not fair.
wonder who invented that word?
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thank you so much for reading/commenting 'Rheea' - sorry to hear your husband is also going through this.
It was a terrible, unexpected shock. I just buried both parents in the last year - my dad had cancer, too....
I am not doing 'traditional'--slice/dice/radiate/drug, but going natural to try and heal myself.....I do believe the body can. And I feel I have a much better chance this way (esp. since they gave me no chance their way!.....
We can all pray that someday.....that word will be obsolete!!
best wishes to you and your husband. I will pray for the best for him
blessings
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Well it's good to 'see' you are still with us. I wish I had some encouraging things to say. Nothing comes to mind. I will just give you a virtual
, and comment on your poem.
I like how you express the clash between the season and the news. The last line just works. A well writ expression all around.
Mark
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Thank you so much 'markgrif' - I'm 'dealing' a little better now than when I got the 'news' and wrote this - I was so numb for a month I think. Now, I'm just going with prayer and alternative - and am doing very well at this point, considering.....so, just praying for the best...
best wishes
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ah not good to be given such news - life's a party all around you and tinsel flows etc and all you can do is blink numbness into the fray. sorry to hear this news on the first poem i clicked into.
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thank you so much for reading/commenting 'individuality'.....
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Aww, very sad. I'm so sorry, but it was Well penned (:
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Unfortunately, to me, being told I have a terminal cancer a week before xmas was anything but funny...
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ok I read some of the coments below and decided people are pitiful... meaning they pitty them selves. It sounds to me like you are going through hell and they think they know what its like... they dont. good luck. I hope you can find the most joy and life possible.
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Thank you so much 'Anistasia0'
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Wow it sounds like some one didn't like christmas ar they didn't get what they wante for christmas. I don't even no why I am reading this in March.
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thank you for reading/commenting 'Golden eyes 25'
actually, I got told the week before xmas that I have a terminal cancer.....
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wow
this is very funny but so true so many of us go through that every year congrats for capturing sow alot of us feels
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Thank you for reading/commenting 'mysterious angel'....
a week before xmas, I got told I have a terminal cancer (the black granules on the xray films)....it just took all the joy/life out the season for me....
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beautiful write,but so sad.I really hope it gets better.
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Thank you so much 'mz.butter'
blessings
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Oh, my God, such feeling. i think everyone who reads this knows how you felt. I can picture looking out the window, knowing I'm going to die. I hope for yourself you manage to beat this thing.
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Thank you for reading 'celadia' - and your uplifting hope. It's been a time of stunned shock.....hard for the mind to wrap around.....
I am praying and hoping that I can be one of the ones who does beat this.....there are so, so many in this sinking boat, so sad.....
blessings
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Wow amazing poem I can relate to it, when I read the title I thought of south park lol, keep up the amazing work I really liked the part when it says
At home, decorations are sitting all over
spreading into pathways,
they seem to have lost their meaning
now that the joy of the season
has been stolen in shock.
it put the pictures in my head perfectly.
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Thank you 'Skittle Girl'
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Yes I can understand the frustration with the holidays. Anger, bitterness, defeat... not easy. Good work aboomer!
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Thank you so much 'Patposersnoshoepoet' - we didn't do xmas. When, a week before xmas, you get told you have terminal cancer - it just totally blows the holidays.....
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the title, i was sorta expecting funny
then reading it
shit! what a Christmas present...
this is a truly amazing poem
"snowflakes melting into nothingness"
this is why we write poetry
hope you're well -
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Thank you 'DragonflyDream'
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Love It
this is such an amazing and deep poem!! i absolutely loved it
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Thank you so much 'tynieetott09' for reading....
I sure wish this was something that I had never had to write about....
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This must be one of the most powerful, and emotional poems i've ever read, that evil black granule is so evocative. I hope to god you can get through this. Fantastic poem, and I really mean that, I just wish it wasn't so personal.
Alex.
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Thank you so much Alex...
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Hauntingly honest and brutally cruel
I sat in silence and absorbed
Hun I can never take away your hurt and sorrow but offer you a listening ear and, the hand to hold in distance of time.
My prayers and thoughts are with you
Julie x
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Thank you Julie - much appreciate it...
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This is very very good. I hope this is not from personal medical experience, my friend, but if it is God bless you and keep you. Someone said that life is nothing but a ride from the delivery room to the cemetery over a bumpy road.
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thank you 'Bruce' for reading and your lovely comment. I appreciate it.
unfortunately, this is a personal write.....and I really don't want to think about the road....
again, thanks
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wow. interesting free verse. i hope whatever is plaguing your life slips out the door very soon.
Good Luck
Celtic -
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Thank you Celtic Legend
I think my 'free verse' prob. is interesting.....lol....no design or plan to it at all...lol
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I was so sorry to hear this news. Don't know what else to say, just that I hope you beat this thing.
I'm sure we are all thinking of you.
jjj
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thank you so much 'judyjudyjudy'
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Powerful poem. I am so sorry for the terrible news, on top of grieving the deaths of both parents.
I pray that God holds you in the palm of His hand, and that he heals you of the cancer.
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:: huggles :: x million.
Wow. Wow. This was so incredible, even in its rage. I...don't know what to say. It made me cry, but my tears are as useless as those decorations are now.
You're an incredible person. You're an incredible poet. :: huggles :: God bless you.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Excellent piece.I could feel your anguish in this and I wish you well.You have a wonderful spirit which i am sure will see you through, Ros
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Thank you Gwenevere
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Dark and foreboding
I could feel the sadnes
and anger in your words
this is just an amazing piece
*Rose*
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Thank you Pastel
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I hate that you're going through such a hard time. Please know that you're not alone and that you have ppl here that support you...
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thank you
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Dark piece of poetry...I admire the words...sort of like my Christmas in a way...not too good this year. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you 'Pat...' - I sure hope your holiday was a lot better than the news I got on my tests!! Just made for a very upsetting holiday time - filled with visits to onocologists and hospitals instead of stores and a little shopping......
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Oh hun
I'm so sorry... I know this will already be a hard time of year without your parents and by the sounds of this it is something very serious.
My thoughts are with you
♥♥
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thank you kiwi - yes, very serious
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Wow
This is a very good expression of your anger, disappointment and sadness. It touch my heart strings reading it. But it is good that you can express it so openly. All my love, thoughts and Blessings your way, Michele
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thank you - it's a very bad time right now...
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Wow!
Oh my this is so intense. Yeah, not quite a blessing. Thanks for sharing.
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this is pissy!!
I understand and feel like it some times too! good write and flowed beautifully!! thank you for sharing !! blessings
Rend
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Thank you 'Rend the Veil' - yeah, it was quite a shock to get back reports of lung cancer when you are expecting pneumonia or something.....just a rough time, on top of which I lost my mom 6 mos. ago and dad 12 mos. ago - so it's my lst xmas without parents........just a shitty season for me right now.....
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My prayers of Healing go
out to you, Heavenly Father i ask for your devine appointment and asignment on Aboomer Life, That you heal her That she would come to know your healing power in her life, you know every cell in her body, and every hair on Her head, I ask that you give her the heart to believe that your power is bigger than anything and everything in this life, that by belief alone could save Her. I ask again for your healing power and thank you in advance four blessings and love that you give her, In your sons name
Blessings and love always
Rend The Veil -
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That is beautiful....thank you
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Oh my goodness
I so hope this isnt a true write and if it is my heart goes out to you .I know in not being able to decorate and do as I use to it truly changes the holliday spirit but Im hanging on best I can and hope you can to
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Thanks 'stories'....
Unfortunately, it's a true write - just found this out....
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Aww... Boomer, I'm so sorry...
Such sorrowful words that touched me deeply & made me evaluate where thoughts should be directed at this time of year. And know, many of them are with you & I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, but please know, you are in my prayers...
Wish I knew how to do the hug things, I'd give you loads...
Take care & I'll chat with you soon...
Lots of love,
Fritz...
X
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Thank you
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Aww hunni, my prayers will be for you I hope some light is cast upon your dark times. Sending much love
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thank you
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wow, I feel the pain as I read this, my prayers and wishes that all is a bigger mistake or mis read
VOE
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thanks
I wish that, too - but unfortunately.....
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Wow. How sad. I will most definealty keep you in my prayers.
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thank you
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Sis...
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need ALL of the light and energy you can spare, sis....
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my prayers tonite are for you
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thank you
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Oh Jan!
I am putting you on every prayer list I can find...
I love you lady...take care...let me know if I can do anything!!
s
tons of love, light, energy and prayers...
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need ALL of the prayers, light, energy everyone can spare....
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Sending and support, having watched so many I love go through this very thing, I can appreciate your despair. But, you have to try and stay strong otherwise it will beat you. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that there are many many many survivors.
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thank you
(this one isn't the one with many survivors - just my luck, huh?...
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lets see the way I have been feeling I am going to come to see you and make all the bad stuff go away. If I send you lots ofs maybe it will give you the comfort of knowing that you I love you and that you are on my mind and in my heart. this truly sucks and yes makes the season not so f.. jolly.
I love you lots.
kat
hug*
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thank you
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I understand this I wish I could wrap my arms around you and take this all away I love you it hurts my heart to know that you suffer
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thank you
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