i
i lie
to myself
with the unresolved
and december
dispersed
torment
reflects
shadows or
virtue
i lie
ii
magic is
the mother
she lay
next to primrose
in a garden
flowers
a ritual
when they
lay
together
iii
bricks
cold with digression
laid
in the muck
of the past
cold as
the future
victorian
if you walk
backwards
with sheep
and hungry
sunlight
failing
iv
bright light
was young
and obtainable
lain
around
spring poems
but
in december
the room
sleeps
with cold wind
and familiar
lies
In a list
A contest entry
- a series by Melissa Gayle.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is golden.
Pure and beautiful, pristine.
Emotionally heavy, and the wordplay is wellchosen.
Fantastic.
jin
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No one trick pony, you.
These read like falling rain; image after image cascading without strain or stumble. Really well done.
-
"i"
You know me and repetition but I really enjoyed the "i lie" at the end, it concludes the piece well. We always want to understand when sometimes there is nothing to understand.
"ii"
There is something so very spiritual about this section, as if mother need be raised up and nurtured.
"iii"
There is always something cold buried within all of us and then in the second stanza, I feel as if I am being led to my slaughter.
"iv"
I feel as if there is resignation here, as if we travel this path and wind up right back at the beginning hiding from what we choose -
This is one of my very favorites of yours to date...saving to read again and again...
I am so amazed, but that is typical of you...
Lynda
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I am such a fan of vignettes and it is good to read one by you. My fav stanza is the last one...it summed up the others rather effectively. Wonderfully done, Poet
Love, Lane
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Oh god this is stunning and that last vignette...just nods...you rock C
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Hi, you never cease to amaze me, great write , happy holiday, Di
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I love iv most, it strikes a chord, and the entire piece echoes with coldness and barrenness, in my mind a contrast to the somewhat overheated overdecorated Decembers we often experience. ...Lying silent in snow making a Christmas angel at dusk on Saturday as a child, lights through the window, feeling calm on the ground, aware of the earth still beneath the cold layers of death, this is the image that haunts me after your elegant words.
-
I have read this a few times - 'and familiar lies'. That line has so much meaning (at least for me). All that we know, at this time of year, is twisted into a message of over indulgence - be it food or shopping. We expect perfection - which is a lie - no one, nothing, is perfect.
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this is sooo excellent - wonderful imagery, i love ii... & iv...absolutely perfect...enjoyed this
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Beautifully haunting, enough said.
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Thoughts as I read...We all lie to ourselves. We are quite adept at it I think. Thank goodness for December, how it strips us bare forcing us to lie naked with our thoughts.
I know, totally off the mark from where you were going but still...its the visual I had in my head.
Good luck in the contest.
-
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not off at all
perhaps it's life's lies
that makes it all so cold
have a wonderful season
peace and hugs
Muddy
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