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last words???

Here, come closer.I want to whisper in your ear.
I know the time flies quickly now , I am dying.
You know all those evil things you did?  forgiven.
And when you stole my credit cards and ran them up, well that's OK
Here  come closer, you know my will?? how everything goes to you??
Go see my Attorney, he has the papers..................


I am weaker now, be sure  to see him soon.

For I have left to you............
all of my bills.
I spent everything that remained
now I can die in peace with my parting breath

Author notes

dedicated to my estranged husband who will not sign the divorce papers

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Borglesnarf
    December 30, 2008

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    Brilliant of course.

    One note, could you build a bit of suspence between, "For I have left to you," and "the bills."
    Maybe a new line? or just more space. You need a stronger break there.


    • Draig aine gold member
      December 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      correct

      see revision hope it meets with your approval is dinner ready????


  • penman gold member
    December 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very creative and so well expressed. Best of luck in the contest.


  • badnovocaine
    December 18, 2008

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    OHHH NICE!!! I liked how this was a case of justice well spent *no pun intended*
    I thought that this was going to be serious but then I read on and by the end I had a big smile on my face.
    Now that is justice at its best, a little bit ironic.
    Thank you for entering.

    • Draig aine gold member
      December 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      My humble thanks

      Sunoir speaks often of you, happy to meet you at last


  • Skybow silver member
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a hoot and a holler. This is so funny, I love it!

    "Here come closer, you know my will?? how everything goes to you??
    Go see my Attorney, he has the papers.................."

    Great set up for the last lines, best of luck in the contest!


    • Draig aine gold member
      December 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      ah yes my friend

      dedicated to my estranged husband. sad part is that is what I intend to do
      well and take care of Allen my grandson,


      • Janice M Pickett
        December 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Oh my goodness your grandson is Allen. That was my sons name. The one who was poisoned. Same spelling also.What with your name being identical to a dear friend during my school years. WOW sends a shiver down my spine.

1 - 10 of 10