In the middle of the night
so quiet but not so quite
I see him standing the knife in hand
i see him there he is no man
he lunges toward me
he stabs my back , i start to bleed
as soon as it seeped out of my body
thats when he noticed i wasn't some nobody
my blood poured red
but only for a sec
then it was black as the place for me in his heart
i was just like him
i was just as grim
as the devil himself
which was just one night
in my own world,
my dream
Author notes
this was just free typing and i had nothing to do woooo
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A contest entry
- writing rebels by TOEchikira.
400 points, ended December 20, 2008, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark writes contest!!!! Check it out by Englandgirl2008.
450 points, ended May 17, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any comment is good
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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its good. it would be BAD BAD BAD dream
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Great write. I loved how it flowed. had good imagery to it.
Imagery/5
Style/30
background/30
Prompt used/
Prewrite/10
fresh write/0
Points: 75
Fave part: my blood poured red
but only for a sec
then it was black as the place for me in his heart
Thanks for entering and good luck -
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thanx
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This is a very dark poem, that would be a very bad dream. Its dreams like that that make me happy I no longer dream (or remember them). A few spelling things: capitalize your I's (pet peeve of mine), thats-that's, that's it. Overall a wonderful poem.
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Wooo indeed, a really great piece of writing. Lovely stuff. It kept me captivated from start to end ... really well done.
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well thank you
im glad you liked it
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OMG AWESOME WRITE! you did a really good job of this it kept me captivated and i had to read it again and again to try and get more meaning out of it. well done
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really kool i liked it a lot
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Wow, this was amazing. I had somewhat of a simmilar dream, whith the stabbing.
Great job
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awesome
i guess this goes along with your William Control listening....that cd is really dark...and this poem rmeninds me of it ..... well yeah toast
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yea pretty much i heart william control!
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Very dark, but I love it.
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thax im glad you feel that way
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SATISFYING
it was dark and slightly disturbing yet awsome at the same time. it was just the kind of thing id expect from you serena. GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST! -
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thank you and read more there ar others that are good too
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umm...pretty good I guess...really weird though. Good luck in the contest.
-Alicia Lynn
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oh cool i like this! thank for entering
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no problem
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