Wearing rags and tatters
and madder than a hatter
he said it wouldn't matter
if I left him for the crows.
Living on my own time
sipping lazy sweetwine
he'd found me through the grapevine
the way it often goes.
He stoled my sodden pleasure
by disclosing buried treasure
mine there for the measure
if I'd do as I was told.
And when I'd said"I have agreed."
He laughed although there was no need.
I thought it was senility
the price of growing old.
Then for days and nights we rode
out through the devils own abode
where cactus flower and horned toad
are all that can be found.
To a place we came at last
where dust danced heedless through the past,
where towers once stood unsurpassed
now crumbled to the ground
In the middle of a ring
of monuments to ancient kings
He said "It's here you'll find the thing"
and laughed like ten mad men.
The moon was pale, yellow gold
mindless, heartless, sightless, old.
"Nothings stolen 'til it's stoled"
He said and laughed again.
'Twas then that I could take no more!
I struck him to the desert floor,
I struck him 'til he moved no more
and then I dug his grave
And digging up that old man's tomb
I stumbled on a secret room.
It opened up and sealed my doom
and nothing now can save.
For every man a monster moans
and rattles chains that shake your bones.
Wearing gold and precious stones
mine stood before my eyes.
An endless overwhelming greed
a hunger only hunger feeds
a product of my own sad seed
this, then was my prize.
I turned and fled that fetid cave
to wander aimless,rant and rave
to hear forever, from the grave,
the old man speak the truth.
"Nothing's stolen 'til it's stoled
the years are not what make you old.
only dreams of Inca Gold
can rob you of your youth.
So now I walk the streets at night
for something in me shuns the light
to find the one to end my plight
or stay forever old.
To find, through my decietful art
the quiet one who walks apart
the young man with an old mans heart
who dreams of Inca Gold.
A contest entry
- Mental Asylum by RemovedName.
1750 points, ended July 30, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think. Is the punctuation misleading?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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love it !!!!
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Funny how madness and greed inhabit the same abode. Quite a few are probably suffering this affliction in these times now, I'm sure. Excellent rhythm and rhyme and a great grasp of the subject matter.
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Bloody excellent poem cuzz this was a film clip to me i was right there tasting the dirt where you dug .. now thats selling the sausage ,, brilliant Hal
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Hal, your poems are so lyrical... they sing!! nothing wrong with this, it is platium.. which is pricier than gold.
laurie
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I really loved this poem! So refreshing and read like a fairy tale (which I love)
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spot on
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sounds like a bedtime story from my past
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a good story poem - ah gold, we forever want pretty things, but often they will lead to our demise.
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Wow. What a great story! I had to read this twice I love the ending. It left me wishing for part two...the story never really ends, you know?
Your descriptions were vivid, and your rhyme was right on. The flow was such that it carried me on effortlessly as I enjoyed the story. Sometimes rhyme takes away from "story" type poems, but you managed to keep it natural.
For the most part, I think the punctuation is good. I was never confused as I read, although there were a couple spots that may technically need an added comma or endmark.
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