I was vital as the blood you drew from me
your immortal kiss to set me free
lips and tongue still saturate the night
like a heartbeat,
gone before the faintest pulse of light
A contest entry
- SHORT PREWRITES! QUICKIE! by ItaloEtkin.
870 points, ended April 8, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great rhyme. I normally prefer free verse, but you do rhyme quite well.
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this is incredible...
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Immortal - gotta love it.
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great choice of words! the descriptions amaze me as always
The flow is a bit weird for the transition from line 2 to line 3 and line 4 to line 5
but you're the expert so... maybe i'm not reading it right!
♥ Kat
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